Monday, January 31, 2011

Day in Review - Excuse Me, Did I Say You Could Touch My Ass?

Long time, no blog! I have been a busy girl! Glad to be back though. I was on this creative kick for a few days writing some stories and working on some inspired endeavors. I had some wonderful family time this weekend as well, so all was worth it. It was wonderful to have our monthly, family "Girl's Night" at a wonderful restaurant. I wanted to give a special "Thank You" to my sister. (not sure if she reads this or not) She waited for a full 90 minutes on Friday at the restaurant so our family could get a table!  Bravo to Tricia!

Saturday was laundry day and a trip to the all you can eat Chinese buffet with my parents, Sarah and Todd. (as they are now known) I learned a new Chinese phrase from my fortune cookie as well - "Xièxiè" means "Thank You".  So a Xièxiè to my sister, a Xièxiè to my parents and a Xièxiè to all of you for reading this blog!

A quick shameless plug, then on with the show..did you know you can follow the blog and be notified via e-mail when I update it?  Yes! You can! If you click the "Follow" button on the top of the page, you can sign up and know when I post. You can even do it anonymously!(Just in case you don't want anyone to know you read this trashy thing)  I also want to invite you to check out another awesome blog I personally follow - The Book of Cletis. Read it and love I do.

We are going to discuss personal space tonight...see, something happened to me this morning that needs to be mentioned in a public forum. I was on my way to work and stopped at the gas station to grab a bottle of water since I had neglected to bring one from home. There was a long line (only one register open), so as I was waiting, I was checking out my latest tweets on Twitter. I was engulfed in tweets when I noticed a peculiar was sort of like a mix of cigarettes/body odor/gasoline/wet dog. I turned my head to see who was behind me radiating this toxic smell. It was an older, unkempt woman with stringy, greasy hair and two teeth. I politely smiled, she smiled back (which is when I noticed the teeth) and I went on with my tweeting. It was then, when I felt something...yes...something touched my ass. I took a small step forward, thinking it was just a mistake. You know, there were a lot of people in there. Sometimes you may get in someone's personal space. I get it. I did not, however, get it the 2nd time I felt something touch my ass.  It was just a little for a 2nd time, I took a small shifting step forward. My mind raced, thinking if I should say something to this smelly woman, or let it really could just be a mistake, right? happened again...a series of taps...right on my right ass cheek. I turn around face Ms. Smelly. She smiled at me with her two teeth and said "Hi!". (I was "on deck" at this point in the line, so luckily this conversation couldn't go far) I kind of looked at her, I am sure with a pained, confused expression, and she said "I just wanted to tell you that you have beautiful eyes." (Shit! Shit! Shit!  What do I do!!!) I just stared at her for a second...when I heard the best thing ever..."Can I help you?" I stepped forward, placed my water on the counter, threw my $1.02 on the counter and high tailed it out of there. As soon as I got to my car I tweeted "An old smelly lady just touched my ass several times at the gas station.".

So my question is...why in the HELL do people think they can touch you like that??!??!?  Though I may be a hot, attractive piece (LOL!!!) That does not give a stranger permission to touch me, especially on my ass!  It is a sacred place! I certainly don't go around grabbing strangers asses! (When I am sober, at least) Do I now need to wear a sign that says "Hands off the merchandise"? She couldn't have touched my shoulder? Tapped my back if she had to say something? What about a simple "Excuse me"? I don't mind speaking to people in line. If you want to have small talk, I'm game...but unless I have known you for longer than 3 minutes, please do not touch my ass...especially if you are an old, smelly woman.

To close up tonight, I want to share this hilarious video that Brooke Baldwin shared today on Twitter.  It has had me laughing all day!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Day in Review - An Open Letter to the City of Cleveland

Dear City of Cleveland,

I would like to start this letter by saying one thing:  I should not have to be forced to wear a sports bra while driving through the downtown area.  The potholes in the city are out of control.

Each day, I drive downtown. Specifically in the Warehouse District. Each day, I fear for the life of my vehicle due to the land mine type maze of potholes on the street. I have a 4-wheel drive SUV.  Yes, it bottomed out today in the humongous crater in the intersection of St. Clair and East 3rd. If I was driving a golf cart or a child's big wheel, I would expect such motions. A large car should not be bouncing around like popcorn in a popper. In the short drive from East 9th to East 3rd, I fully believed I had lost all 4 hubcaps due to the bumps and holes in the road.  Short of playing bumper cars and weaving in and out of lanes on St. Clair,  the potholes are unavoidable. I do not want to have to trade my car in for a Mars Rover.

In addition to possible damage to the body of my vehicle, my physical body is also experiencing distress while driving in the downtown area of our fair city. Though I am an average sized woman with average sized boobs, the repetitive motion of bouncing up and down in the potholes is causing said boobs to also bounce. Yes, I wear good quality brassieres like any sensible woman should. I also wear my seat belt at all times, yet find myself bouncing from the seat. This is painful for women and also for men who may be overweight and have "man boobs", also known as "moobs", and "man jugs".

Coincidentally, today, as I was driving, I also had to use the ladies room and the pain and pressure in my bladder as I bounced was far from satisfactory. I am sure you have been in similar situations where you have to use the bathroom and know what feeling I am referencing. Do I have to now make sure I have a sports bra and some Depends as I drive through the city streets? Bladder leakage is never funny and it is even less funny when caused by potholes.

In conclusion, I simply ask that you make some sort of effort to repair the holes in the city streets. I understand there are financial considerations to think about, but perhaps you could have a bake sale or sell Malley's candy bars. I would buy a cupcake...especially if you have chocolate ones available. You could also write out more parking tickets and hope people don't notice that their meters still have time left. Another way to do that is to put fake signs up saying "Park Here" in "No Parking Zones". Those tickets are $25 a pop. That can add up quickly. You would have extra money in no time. 

If I can be of assistance in any more fundraiser ideas, please contact me. I also have a good idea in regards to a bachelor auction. We could call it "Potential Partners for the Prevention of Potholes"


Monday, January 24, 2011

Day in Review - Return of the Ghost and New Kids on the Block Are Still Cool

Monday again?  Seems like it comes faster each week!

A few announcements - I am feeling SO much better today after my workout mania over the weekend.  I am barely sore at all. So much, in fact, I may go again tomorrow! 

If you want to read a wonderful post on fatherhood, check out this post from my friend, Adam - Throwing Quarters It will make you say "Awwww" and make you hungry...

I have a confession...As I have said before, I have an old man crush on Wolf Blitzer...I think he may be getting replaced I was watching everyone's favorite CNN anchor, Brooke Baldwin today, she did an interview with Piers Morgan...and I fell in love. (Not with Brooke, with Piers) 

 Last announcement...My now infamous, hilarious posting Why I am Still Single  has gone semi-viral! It has been mentioned on other blogs and has helped me almost reach 1000 views.  Lets hit it today!  Thanks to all who read and share this. (PS...if you want to share it, click the Facebook or Twitter buttons on the right side of the page.)

Now on to the regularly scheduled post...

Do you remember the issue I was having a few weeks ago with the weird dreams and mysterious scratches?  (Look here if you need a review: Day in Review - 308745538) Well, the dreams have continued since then, but no odd instances...until today!

This is a true story: If you read this blog regularly, you know I have a dog named Chloe. She is small and during the winter, I like to keep her in sweaters for warmth (They are cute too.  I give you permission to make fun of me for this). Last night, I went to bed normally and Chloe snuggled in next to me...with her sweater on. Eventually I fell into a slumber. When I woke up this morning, Chloe was sitting on the bed...all white and sweater. I didn't think much of it at the time, assuming it just came off during the night and was lost somewhere in the 5 blankets on the bed. About an hour later, she came out of the bedroom and did her "I have to go outside dance", so I went in the bedroom to find the sweater...not there. I lifted off the blankets, layer by layer...shook them out...threw them in a pile on the sweater.  Finally, getting down to the flannel sheets, I took those off sweater. Frustrated at this, I just put one of her little coats on her, we went outside, she did her business and we came back upstairs. I then went on a frantic search for the sweater...I lifted all the blankets up again, looked under the bed, under the pillows, looked in her crate, looked on the couch, under the couch, under the desk, in the kitchen...all of her favorite little I went back to work.

Throughout the day I would take little breaks, and ultimately would end up looking for the is really bothering me, if you can't tell. Seriously...I do not live in a mansion...I live in a one bedroom apartment. There are not a lot of places this sweater can is just GONE. I have looked for it all day, hoping for a happy conclusion, but alas, there is none. I am blaming the ghost....I just wish the ghost would bring that sweater looked so cute!

Speaking of was I the only one to not know Jonathan Knight of NKOTB was gay???  I randomly saw a Twitter post about it today and, though I wasn't shocked, I felt like a bad New Kids fan! This apparently became public knowledge 2 years ago, though it was never confirmed. 2 YEARS???  I guess they did fall out of the spotlight there for awhile, but I am usually on it when it comes to NKOTB news.  I loved the group then, I love them now.  I am actually trying to swindle some tickets to their upcoming concert with the Backstreet Boys. Anyone want to go if I am successful?  I am proud of Jonathan though...I think more celebs should come KNOW there are TONS out real people! 

New Kids on the Block was actually my first real concert...I remember it well...and the incident that happened at that concert...where I got in big time trouble...maybe I will share it with you all one day....

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Weekend in Review - Parts of Me Hurt that I didn't Know Existed...

I am sure you are all on the edge of your seats wondering how my workout went...I will fill you in, but first I have a few announcements...and I need to take another Tylenol....
My new best friend

I would like to dedicate this blog posting to my parents...formally  known as Jim and Charlene. See, after my last posting, (about my lack of coordination) my mom, formally known as Charlene, posted a little message that said "You hit a home run on this one. Dad and I were going to name you Tripp".  Now this little jab runs deeper than the surface joke of "trip" and "coordination" is a direct reference to my mortal enemy Sarah Palin and her son, Tripp.  I'll admit...I got it and I laughed at it. But from here on out, my parents, Jim and Charlene, will now be referred to as Sarah and Todd....

In sticking with learning Chinese, I learned a bit about their economy this weekend as well.  I stepped on my ear buds for my iPod and needed new ones, so I went on ebay to find a new pair.  I bought some on Saturday for 18 cents from China....they will be here by February. So far I have not had to communicate with the seller, but if I do, at least I will know how to say Hello.  Ni Hao!

So the workout....Woke up early Saturday with almost zero anxiety. My friend/personal trainer, Laurel had called me the night before and told me what to wear and what to do. Though I was still a little anxious, I felt confident that everything would be just fine....and it was!  She showed me several machines, we worked on our legs, backs, and abs. We did some cardio on the steppers, a cool down  on the treadmills, then some stretches. I broke a sweat and got my heart rate up to a respectable number. I wasn't panting or extremely tired.  I actually felt wonderful, albeit a bit sweaty and smelly by the time we were done.

Seriously...I absolutely loved my time at the gym. We were there almost 3 hours! As I went back to my car I was so pumped! I was smiling and walking on air. I thought "I want to do this every day!"  "I can't wait to come back!" In fact, I was even thinking about the pants/t-shirt combo I would wear next time. The absolute best thought that went through my head was "I didn't fall and I didn't embarrass myself...I am like perfection personified".

However, I was only perfection personified and unembarrassed for about 2.5 minutes after that thought though...

As I pulled out of the parking lot, onto the main road, I was still brimming with jubilation and pride. So happy, in fact, I turned the radio on and began to sing at the top of my lungs....Miley Cyrus..."Party in the USA" I drove, it seems the urge to dance came over me as well, so I was singing, bouncing, "nodding my head like yeah" and  "putting my hands up" (well, one hand up). I was in my own little world.  As I got to the "And a Britney song was on" part, I was seriously belting it out...that's when I noticed the two teenage guys in the car next to me....laughing....and dancing...looking and pointing directly at here I am...32 years old, belting Miley, singing about Britney, my hair sweaty and sticking up all over, once again, I didn't embarrass myself at the gym, but I did manage to do it eventually.  I will take my bow now.  Bravo to me!

Let's fast forward to this morning...6:08am EST...alarm goes off...I open my eyes...turn my head...and I feel it...stiffness...pain. Every movement I make....I think my nails and hair even hurt actually. I got out of bed like a 95 year old woman and hobbled into the kitchen.  Flipped the coffee on and grabbed the Tylenol. My jubilation is over.  Turning my head hurts...laughing hurts...walking hurts...standing up hurts...sitting down hurts to walk up and down two flights of stairs every time Chloe needs to go hurts to abs hurt when I take a deep ass hurts even while sitting still...I tried to take my laptop to the couch, but it was too much effort to get up...I just kind of flopped off...but then had to get up anyway, since I was now on the this point, is was about 7:30am...

One hot shower later, some more Tylenol and several hours passing, I feel a lot better. I am still sore, of course, but it is manageable...I still want to go work pain, no gain, right?  Let's be honest...the last time I worked out was probably over the summer while playing Wii at my sister's house...I was sore the next day then too actually.  I am going to do this though...It can't get worse, right? I want to work out...I just think I will remind my personal trainer that we should stretch both before AND after next time....

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day in Review - Sprucing Up, Learning Chinese and Workout Anxiety

Ni hao. For those of you who do not know, that is Hello in Chinese. I heard on CNN yesterday that all of us should learn Chinese because China will become more integrated into American life in the next 10 years. I am teaching myself how to spell the words in the English Alphabet since my computer won't type Chinese characters. So far I know how to say "Hello", Ni Hao and "I would like an order of sweet and sour chicken, please" - Wo xiang yi tang cu ji zhixu, qing.  I figure that's all I will need to know for today...

Did you notice I have spruced the blog up a bit?  I seriously considered moving it to a new platform, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered with learning a whole new system, so to satisfy my urge for change, I just moved some things around and changed the background.  Nice?  Do you like?  It spoke to me through my screen, so this is the one I chose.

Saw on Huff Post today that Todd Palin is involved in some prostitute/affair scandal...Love it!!!!  I do hope my "best friend" Sarah is all right...All I have to say is karma is a bitch sometimes.

So I am supposed to work out tomorrow....and I am having some anxiety about it.  Not the type of anxiety where I need to pop a few Xanex or anything, but I have always had a fear of working out. It isn't because it's tough...I can handle that. It isn't because I will be sore...that's what Tylenol is for.  The real reason is...well...I am not extremely coordinated. See, I have an issue where I will just randomly trip and fall on my ass sometimes.  No snow, no ice, just walking...I am plain clumsy. There have been many instances where I just fall.  I have broken my wrist twice...once tripping over my dog, once tripping over my iron. I fell in the middle of Central Park once...I have fallen down stairs, I have tripped over air....I spill things on myself all the time, which is why I don't often wear white.  I don't know if this is something I am just naturally excellent at, or if I can blame my parents for crappy genes in the coordination department, but it all comes down to this...I have Workout Anxiety.

This all started when my friend Laurel invited me to check out her new gym with her. I immediately agreed because, at the time, I thought it sounded like a good idea!  I was pumped for about 20 minutes...until I had a was a vision of an front of one of those big windows where about 20 other people could see me.  Yes...this really happened to me.  I know the person it happened with is probably peeing her pants right now...I know she reads this.  Not only was I mortified beyond belief, but I got hurt! I had a bruise the size of my hand on my leg, a scrape on my arm and hit my head in the process.  Go can laugh.  I can laugh about it now, and you better believe the friend I was with was doubled over in laughter the entire time this was going on. (This was not the same friend who was with me in Central Park when I fell in front of about 1000 people, but she laughed too, for the record)

Since I have had this suppressed memory return, I have had anxiety about going. I know I have to do it and I know I need to face my fears. When I get anxiety about one thing, it just naturally leads to something else...I now have anxiety not only about falling, but what I am supposed to wear? Should bring my shoes with me or wear them? (it is snowy out, my sneakers aren't the best snow shoes), Will I remember to put on deodorant? What I should do with my hair? Should I take a shower before and after or just after?  What if I have to pee? What if there is a really hot guy there and I am a sweaty, red faced mess? What if I can't figure out how to work the machines? Ok...I need to stop, because I will need a Xanex if I keep going.

Maybe I should mediate before going....I will keep you posted....

I have never told anyone about this anxiety or the event that led to it.  Of course my friend who was with me knows...and the 20 people who saw know...I'm sure I probably told my dog too, because I tell her random things like that...but now you all know and hopefully you will remember this, if you ever see me at a gym...or even walking down the street, for that matter....take cover...and step may go down with me.

Oh!  I almost forgot!  Seriously...the REAL Russell Simmons friended me on MySpace....RaNdOm!!!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day in Review - Quasimodo's Cousin Wrote to Me Today

Yay Tuesday! Except it's Wednesday, isn't it...I seriously just wrote that and it is too damn funny to erase. I guess I was so excited to relive Tuesday, it was some sort of psychological, Freud inspired slip. (Not sure why, as yesterday was pretty blah)

Not a peep from penis guy today, but I do want to let you know I am not the only person this has happened to.  I stumbled upon this blog today - Pursuit Blog.(<---Click here to check it out)   Yes.  She has gotten the (now infamous on this blog) penis pic...though probably not the same one I got, of course. (At least I hope not) The weirdest thing about this is she is from it only Clevelander's who feel the need to share their penile pics with random girls? Is this a regional practice? I will say not likely, as I got several tallywaker pics while I was in New York as well. Perhaps an eastern side of the county thing?  Who knows.  Whatever it is...just stop sending them PLEASE!  I wonder what Freud would think?

In other news, I am not watching American Idol. I have never watched it and I don't particularly care much about it.

After my horrendous experience with the last guy, I found I was able to take a baby step into the dating foray again today and signed into an online dating site I am a member of. I signed on for about 5 minutes, didn't see anything I particularly liked and went back to work. A few minutes later, my Blackberry light went on signaling to me I had an e-mail!  Woo Hoo! (It doesn't take a whole hell of a lot to get me excited sometimes, as you can see)

It was from the dating site! I had received a new message! This could be the future husband.  My soul mate. The man I will grow old with. The father of my future children. We could meet on this site and live happily ever after. Love at first site. (These are the thoughts racing through my head as I click open the site to check my new e-mail)

WARNING: I am not trying to be offensive in the following paragraphs...just not for me...

It was from user "God4All123". (Let me pause and say I made this screen name up, but it is very similar to the actual one.) I click on his profile first and take a look....Seriously?  Really?  These are the guys I can attract?  He is listed as 48 years old. He weighs about 450.  (Guestimate on my part based on his photos) He has 1 front tooth missing. 2 out of 3 of his real photos were dated 2006.  The rest of his 10 photos are various crosses and pictures of the crucifixion of Jesus. Oh, and one of an ugly cat.  On to the written section....

The first three (!!!!!) paragraphs were about his love for God and why his perfect match will join him in this journey.  Yes. I believe in God. Yes. I pray. Yes. I believe God has brought me to this place for a reason. Yes. I have read the entire Bible...twice. But.....I attend the Church of Christa.  I have my own way of doing what I do faith wise. I do not like being told what to believe and I am not really the type of person who advertises my beliefs. I have a personal relationship with God and that's how I roll....

The last paragraph was full of spelling mistakes, horribly bad grammar, and the fact that he is allergic to dogs....Yes. I spell things wrong at times. Yes. I make grammatical errors at times. BUT NOT IN A POST WHERE I AM TRYING TO ATTRACT A MATE!!!!   I HAVE A FREAKING DOG!!!

I take a deep breath and finally read the e-mail....subject is "hi their little ladie"  Grrrr.

It says: "im trying 2 find out if u found anyone yet,,if not will u except a chat request? you are beautiful and my heart warmed when i saw your photos. your eyes are like the bluie skies."  (What do you know!  He is a poet too! This was an exact copy and paste of the e-mail by the way)

Once I finished chuckling, I politely wrote back and said "Thanks for the e-mail. At this time I do not believe we are a great match. It does not seem like we have a lot in common.  I appreciate your comments and wish you luck in your search".  Was that mean? Inappropriate?  A little dry maybe, but I was trying to be nice and reply to the poor guy.

About 1 minute later I get another flash on my BlackBerry and another e-mail about a message on the site. is from him.  It says (Again, copied and pasted)
"well just wanted 2 tell u about me alittle bit anyways im looking 4 my queen i am very nice ..i joke around a lot but im look 4 the one that makes me happy. im a mannager going into a directors possion...i dont drink and im staying that way..i love the out doors. I have an asociates degree in business. i would love 2 have kids more than 2...if i find my queen ,,is it ?"


I didn't respond....I did my nice, polite e-mail and now done with him.  Perhaps I will find my soul mate is another day, after all.

PS...While I was writing this post, I got another flash on my BlackBerry...It is from MySpace (which I haven't signed onto in about 2 years) saying "Russell Simmons friended you on MySpace"  I have to go check this out!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day in Review - Updates, Dog Baths and Rainy Days

Wow. First I want to say, I don't think I can top yesterday's post.  It was, by far, the most successful ever.  Thank You's and Shout Out's to all the readers out there.

I wanted to update everyone on some recent developments:
First, I wanted to let everyone know, I found out my parking ticket was reversed! Justice prevailed and shone down on me from the City of Cleveland. Now the funny thing about this is I got the letter, read through it, jumped up and down in excitement a few times then read it again...It said....

"Hearing Examiner (name omitted for his protection) has gathered sufficient information to conclude the parking meter at which this ticket was issued was not in proper working condition. For this reason the ticket is reversed..."

No I am not complaining in any way, shape or form, but THE METER WAS NOT BROKEN!!!!!  It was your insufficient METER MAID who can't take the time of day to double check before they write out tickets!!!!

Now that I have gotten that out of my system and can cancel my trip to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, my second update is concerning the post I wrote yesterday about the penis picture. As I explained, I had sent the gentleman (AKA loser freak) a message saying I was not interested in seeing him.  I got a response from him today.  It simply said "So that's it?????"   I felt no response was in order.

My third update, though not really an update, is just another funny thing I said to my dog today.  It is rainy today, snow is melting and since dog owners in my neighborhood can't seem to pick up their dog's poop when they go, there are piles of this poop scattered around the grassy areas where any smart dog would like to do their business.  My snow, white little girl Chloe Darlene decided to high tail it after an errant bird today and ran through a pile of poo that seriously looked like it was from a cow or possibly small elephant. Her two snowy white front paws were covered! I made her walk through the snow for a few minutes to get as much off as possible, but they were still a "brown mustard" yellow color.  I brought her back into the apartment and started running the water in the sink to clean her off.  She struggled against me and I said quite loudly..."Well, if you hadn't stepped in poop, this wouldn't be happening now!"  It was then that I heard my new neighbor close the door....

Everyone seems blah today for some reason. I know it's rainy in Cleveland today, but it can't possibly be raining everywhere, so I won't blame it on that. A Tuesday after a Holiday perhaps?  I am a bit blah today myself, but I would like to give you a minute or two of laughs if you can handle it....this video made me cry I was laughing so hard.  I believe it is from the "3rd Annual Sister Sarah Palin Retirement Home for Tea Baggers Talent Show", but I may be wrong....

On that note, I am going to watch "Pretty in Pink".

Monday, January 17, 2011

Weekend in Review....Why I am Still Single and the Bridget Jones Rhetoric

Happy Monday! I had a great weekend. My Aunt Debi and Uncle Dan were in town from New Mexico and we had some long over due family time. It was wonderful to spend time with them and I look forward to them moving closer to home in the future.

Now the rest of the weekend, basically the day we call "Sunday", wasn't nearly as enjoyable.
Note: I will attempt to keep the rest of the post as "PG-13" as I can. It will border on "adult" content...

Many of my friends are married, or "Smug Marrieds" as Bridget Jones would say. I, however, and a smaller number of my friends are "Singletons", or "unmarried and romantically unattached". For those of you "Smug Marrieds" who ask us "Singletons" why we remain "Singletons" on...

As I have mentioned in this blog, I have been "talking" to a guy for the past few weeks. This basically consists of talking on the phone, e-mail, texting, Yahoo Messenger, etc. We had gone out on a date a few months ago, but I found him a little immature and felt something just wasn't right. As you know, we re-connected a few weeks ago and I finally decided, Yes, I will see him again for another date. He was very excited, and I admit, I was looking forward to it as well. He is definitely attractive and didn't seem to have any major issues I would say is not compatible with myself....until he sent this message to me....

(Copied from my Yahoo Messenger History)

Him: "I don't know if I told you, but I have an 11 inch penis"
Me: "Thanks for the info. I think that is kind of inappropriate though at this point in the relationship"
Him: "I am really sorry. I don't know why I said that."
Me: "It's fine, I just don't know why guys do that. It is kind of annoying."
Him: "I know. I shouldn't have done it."
Me: "No, you shouldn't have. That is a "date killer" for me. What makes you think I care about your "size"?"
Him: "I don't know...I am really sorry, again. I won't mention it again"
Me: "Thanks. I have to go write an article"
Him: "Are you mad?"
Me: "Annoyed, yes, but you appologized, said you wouldn't do it again, so I am cool"
Him: "Ok..good. Well text me later"
Me: "Ok."

Signed off at this point....went back to work.

10 minutes later, I get a text...I check's from says "I wanna do something rash that I can't take back once its done but I don't wanna offend you I guess I have to take a chance and hope for the best"

1 minute later....a picture message.... guessed it....a picture of know what....manhood?!?!?!

Now I pause to tell you, just a few weeks ago, my friend Laurel and I were just talking about how guys have some fascination for sending penis pics.  Seriously...I have dated a lot of men...and though there are the rare cases where you can get through the first or second date without any mention of the word "penis",  it seems for the majority, you get that penis pic. I thought it was just me, until Laurel said one of the guys she was talking to did the same thing!  I could probably cover my wall with them if I wanted to. (If I saved them!) I also feel the need to mention there were absolutely NO pictures of ANY part of my anatomy sent to anyone, so obviously, I wasn't asking for them.

Of course, I BBM'd (Blackberry Messaged) her as soon as I saw the photo. A feverish BBM session took place between Laurel and I discussing what I should say and how to handle this. Meanwhile, I got two calls and one text from the guy in question asking if he "messed up" by sending that picture.



I sent him a quick e-mail this morning saying "Sorry, but I am not into this...blah, blah, blah"

So to the "Smug Marrieds" now know why my "Singleton" friends and I are still "Singletons". THIS is what we are dealing with out in the dating world. I have too much respect for myself to be treated like that. It is highly inappropriate in my opinion and I don't care to see your penis without even properly dating first. Though it does seem possible that you can meet nice guys out there, I have seen it with my own eyes, it seems like the guys that find me are A) Quasimodo's twin brother B) Divorced with 6 kids C) Attractive but only after the physical relationship or D) Saying they are looking for something real, then send a picture of their penis after talking for 15 minutes.

Are there good guys left? If you know someone around my age who does not fit into those categories, send them my way...until then, I will stick with the "Singletons"...and if anyone wants to see the picture, let me know...I will pass it on...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day in Review - I Wonder What the Neighbors Think....

Cold and snowy day in Cleveland. I got about 6 inches of snow at my place. The poor dog is having a heck of a time going "potty" outside.  Luckily she has big ears, so I was able to see her when she fell in some sort of random divot today.  She is Ok, don't worry. She did have to have a sweater change though.

Walking dogs in the snow is tough.  I walked two today, in addition to my own, both big, furry and loving the snow on the ground. After I fell for the 2nd time, I said hell with it and came home. Now my ass hurts, but I am warm, comfortable and there is no snow in here. This is just a warning about karma....I laughed at my mom for falling yesterday, so of course, today, I fall twice.

Speaking of dogs...and attempting to not sound too insane, I was thinking today about how much I talk to my dog. I always say good morning to her when she wakes up, I ask her if she wants to go outside and if she wants to eat. She always comes into the bathroom with me and we have deep conversations about life (That's a joke...I don't spend that long in the bathroom)....

Just off the top of my head today I told her how harebrained I think Sarah Palin is, I told her it is was very snowy and cold out, I told her to stop licking the carpet (she has an obsessive-compulsive thing where she walks around the whole house licking rugs and the carpet on the floor), I told her she absolutely could not take her Platypus outside with her (She had her favorite toy, "Platty" in her mouth as we were walking out the door) and I had to take my calcium because it is good for my bones (She was begging, thinking it was a treat).

Now am I the only one who does this? Should I seek professional assistance?  This led me to wonder if my neighbors can hear the one-sided conversation that goes on in my they hear random snippets as I am standing by the door?

"No! You can't take your platypus!"  - Possibly the first time this sentence has been said in the history of the world.
Platty the Platypus

"STOP LICKING THE CARPET!!"  - I don't even want to know what they are thinking on that one...

"ARRGHHHHH  What are you thinking, Sarah Palin?!?!?!?" - Obviously this sentence has been written many times in the history of the world.

"Wolf Blitzer is a cute guy!" - Sue me...I have some kind of old man crush on Wolf...

"HA HA HA HA HA HA" - Me TOTALLY laughing out loud with a huge guffaw at a movie the other night ("Sorority Boys" was hilarious....check it out if you have the chance).

So looking at these independent quotes, it does make me wonder what the neighbors think...luckily there is no one across the hall at the moment, but I dare say, at some point in the near future, I will have new neighbors.

Perhaps I should make some cookies for them so at least I have a good first impression...then it can all go to hell in a hand basket.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day in Review - Speachless and Sickened....

Before I begin today's blog post, I have a few announcements to make.

1. I have finally figured out how to allow people to comment directly to the blog (Please use it!  I would love to see feedback)  You should be able to click the comment button directly below the post. You can remain nameless if you like. 

2. If you have a chance, I am still pimping this website - Check it out, join the discussion.

3. Do you use Twitter?  Follow me there!  christamarie123 

Now on to our regularly scheduled blog post....

Though I am an avid CNN watcher, I have to admit I have been tuning in more the past few days. Though my mornings are generally spent with the Golden Girls and Saved By The Bell, my afternoons belong to Ali Velshi, Brooke Baldwin and Wolf Blitzer. Don't get the wrong idea...the TV is on in the background while I work, and I usually only listen to it, as opposed to watching it. If something airs I want to see, I will flip around in my chair and check it out.  Today, I did a huge turn I heard Brooke Baldwin utter the words "Westboro Baptist Church".

Though I am sure most of you know who they are, this is the group that protests funerals of service members, other churches, funerals of those who have died from AIDS, funerals of gay people, football games, concerts, etc, etc.  They are, in my opinion, a group that stands for and promotes hate, negativity, hostility, poison and all that inspires odious acts. They recently showed up to protest the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards and now have plans to protest the funeral of 9-year old Christina Green, killed in the massacre in Tuscon, which is scheduled for tomorrow.The church said in a statement "God sent the shooter! "Praise God for ALL his works, and BE YE THANKFUL!."

I support Freedom of Speech...I believe it is an important part of our United States laws. HOWEVER, protesting the funeral ANYONE, including a 9-year old girl is sickening to me. The evil it must take to stand at any funeral and hold up signs that say "God Hates Fags" and "God Hates America" is beyond me, and luckily beyond 99% of the population. It is totally inappropriate, wrong and indecent. I could care less if they want to walk up and down the street promoting their grotesque and nonsensical messages, that is their right...but not at a funeral. Not for an innocent 9-year olds memorial service. Not for anyone.

Though I am usually not a fan of the state of Arizona nor Governor Jan Brewer, the actions the state made today concerning passing a law that bars protests within 300 feet of a funeral and within an hour from its beginning or end is commendable. Sending this message is the right thing to do.

I also want to commend the "angel action" that will be taking place tomorrow, shielding the mourners from the Church with large angel wings. Both Democrat and Republican lawmakers in Arizona also plan on asking the community to line the procession route to shield the mourning family and friends. Sending this message is the right thing to do.

I said this once and will say it the members of the Westboro Baptist Church - God is watching you...and he is mad.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Weekend in Review - Arizona Shooting

I have not blogged about the weekend shooting and assassination attempt yet for two reasons: 1) I was angry and 2) I wanted to find out more information and see if any motive was established. As of today, 1/10/11, 1:25 EST, there has been none. Through I am still angry and confused about what happened, I am calm enough at this point not to point fingers and though I have my own ideas, theories, and beliefs on what prompted this heinous act, I am going to keep those ideas out of this posting. At this point in time, people are dead, some injured and some fighting for their lives. 20 people, in fact. 20 people shot in cold blood. Six are dead.

A 9-year old girl, Christina Taylor Green, interested in politics, newly elected to her schools student council.

A 30-year old man, Gabe Zimmerman, engaged to be married, community outreach coordinator for Rep. Gabrielle Giffords.

A 63-year old man, John Roll, U.S. District Judge in Arizona, husband, father, grandfather.

A 76-year old man, Dorwin Stoddard, shielding his wife from the bullets.

A 76-year old woman, Dorothy Morris, homemaker from Reno, Arizona resident of 10 years, wife, mother and grandmother.

A 79-year old woman, Phyllis Schneck, a New Jersey native, wintered in Tuscon, wife, mother, grandmother, active in her church.

I think it is human nature to ask why....why would a 22-year old man attempt assassination on a member of Congress. Why were Gabe Zimmerman, Dorwin Stoddard, Dorothy Morris, Phyllis Schneck, Christina Taylor Green and John Roll killed? Why were 14 others injured? What was the shooters motivation? What was going through his head? All of us want to know. All of us have asked the questions. Many have pointed fingers...thinking they know. No one knows at this point. We may not know. As of today he has been uncooperative according to Pima County Sheriff, Clarence Dupnik.

Pointing fingers will not help the situation today, or tomorrow, nor did it help yesterday. I admit, I placed blame quickly...again, it is human nature to do that. Was I right to place blame without knowing the facts? No. I wasn't. I was wrong. I can admit that. My blame could be in the right place, or it could not. It doesn't matter today. What matters is the 20 people who were shot. Their friends, their families, this country as a whole...not Republicans, not Democrats, not those in the middle. People matter today no matter what their affiliation.

When you find yourself pointing a finger, stop for a second. Stop until the truth is out, we are absolutely sure of the motivation and judgment is beginning to be served, take a step back...remember those fighting for life...remember the 6 Americans who were shot...and take a moment to reflect on them.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day in Review - Like Finding Lettuce in Your Coffee Cup

It was a weird day for me today. Chloe (My Toy Fox Terrier) was having behavioral problems and seems to have broken my computer mouse, I saw a man dressed up as an elf walking down the street, I thought I got frost bite as the wind was brutal while working today (Really need to locate my hat, I think), my smoke detector went off for no reason, I was told I look very smart in my glasses and they reminded the person of Sarah Palin's, (They do NOT look like hers at ALL and I am sure I don't need to tell you how offended I was by this statement) and I was drinking coffee this afternoon and found a limp piece of lettuce as I took my last sip. (leftover from my salad from lunch, I guess) It was gross, if you have never experienced this before.

Like limp lettuce in my coffee cup, I am feeling weak. I am sure you know the feeling...where you just can't be bothered and you can't really care about anything. For me, it surely is just "one of those days", but I don't like when I get this feeling. Generally I fight these feelings and haven't had this feeling in awhile. I am tired, didn't sleep well last night, getting over a cold and stayed up past my bed time last night finishing an article on Green Jobs in Cleveland. I am ready for bed and it's only 8pm.

I think it is normal to feel like this every once in awhile. I think we all have the right to feel this way sometimes too. No one can be all "Hearts and Butterflies" all the time. (Hee Hee..get it?) We all deserve a down day to sulk. Today is my day and I am going to take it. I am going to not care and the rest of the world will just have to accept it.

One of the greatest compliments I have gotten recently is from my college roommate, Pam. We were on the phone last week and we were talking about how the past year, 2010 in particular, was tough. It was really tough on me, I have to admit. I felt like 2010's bitch for the vast majority of the year. It seems like I was at the lowest I have been in my life. Not only was I down, I was beaten while down then salt poured in the wounds. At the time, I accepted it as it was for awhile. At least for the first 8 months of the year. I then made a decision that changed my path...or maybe it kept me on the same path and I was supposed to make that decision. I won't pretend to know how things like that work. The point is, I wasn't completely happy with the decision I made at the time, but knew it was right. Today, I am completely happy with it. I am happier today (metaphorically "today"...I am in a "mood" on this exact day) than I have been in months and possibly years. I have been smiling more, laughing more, getting back to my old "Christa-self".

Since I have babbled on about 2010, I need to get back to my conversation with Pam and the point of this whole post today. Pam gave me a compliment...she knows what I went through in 2010 and said this (Weird, but I wrote it down after I talked to her because it really hit me hard)

"I have to really commend you Christa. You are so strong. I haven't known anyone who could have gone through what you did, used your resources like you did and never gave up. You are so strong. I never, ever could have done it".

My response to her is "Well, I guess you never know your strengths until you are put in a situation where you have to use them. I don't know how I did it to this day and I probably won't know how. All I know is what doesn't kill you made you stronger. I got through this, and I will get through other stuff."

Profound, I know...

She said I was strong, and that was a compliment to me. I don't feel strong. I don't feel like I could go through things I know other people have gone through. I don't feel like I would have the strength or courage, for that matter to do acts that most people believe show strength and courage: battle cancer, live with a disability, fight in a war, land an airplane in distress...those are things that show strength and courage to me, but my dear friend said I showed strength in what I have been through.

The point is, strength can be found in all places and in all people. All of us have the strength to do all those things, I think. God forbid, I get a disease. I know damn well I would fight it with everything I had. If for some reason I had to fight in a war, I would fight for what I thought was right.

You...yes, you reading have strength. If you haven't found it, look for it. Look for it before you need it, just so you know it's there. The good thing is, if you haven't found it and you need it, it will show up when you least expect it.

As Pam reminded me during our phone call, one of my favorite quotes has always been: "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day in Review - "Hearts and Butterflies"

A lot of things going on today in the country. Start of the 112th Congress, shooting at a school in Nebraska, hostages held in Arizona, factory explosion in Tennessee...more dead birds falling from the sky. Insanity....all of this can really bring you down, so when I start feeling down I try to focus on other things. Please note I am definitely not making light of any of these things or saying they don't matter. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a huge news hound. I am always watching or checking the news, but sometimes it does get depressing. I just want to focus on the lighter side of life today...

Still no word on my parking ticket...I will definitely keep everyone posted!

I received another mystery scratch on my arm...I noticed it when I woke up and felt pain on forearm...I remember the dream...scary stuff. I will really need to figure this out. Anyone know any dream experts? This one is smaller than the one on my hand, but deeper it seems. It hurts more too! I surely could have done it myself this time, but I since it was in my dream, I am going with my ghost/psychosis/dreams coming to life theory.

I took the picture always makes me happy. My mother pointed out she grew the flowers, so I want to give a shout out to her and her green thumb.

"Butterflies and Hearts"

Have you ever thought about toilet paper? Now come on...we all use it. There is not one person reading this that has never used toilet paper in one way or the other. Toilet paper actually got me into a lot of trouble in my high school days when I used it to decorate my friend Abby's house...I still may be banned from entering the property in fact. Though I have snuck in a few times, I can't say that the "TP Incident of 1997" was ever really out of all our minds.

This afternoon I was changing the roll of toilet paper in my bathroom and just happened to notice there were little hearts on the paper. Seriously toilet paper manufacturers? What is the point of hearts on toilet paper!?! Just purely decorative?

You can also see, in my new package of toilet paper, this one is printed with beautiful butterflies and swirls of happiness.

Seriously...when I think of toilet paper, the last thing I personally think about are hearts and butterflies moving around in swirls of happiness. How are hearts and butterflies related to toilet paper? Maybe a better question is how are hearts and butterflies related to going to the bathroom? I get the quilted toilet paper...soft, quilted areas that are supposed to bring comfort during your business. I do not understand hearts and butterflies. Do you have the answer? Please let me know!

UPDATE: We may have an answer on the toilet paper conundrum. An old and good friend of mine, Elisha has suggested this: "Well maybe toilet paper companies are owned by tea partiers. Think about it: hearts, butterflies, etc evoke images of everything good: love, nature, tranquility...And what do you do with it: wipe your a**."

I want to shamelessly plug a few things today too.

I need more Twitter followers! If you are on Twitter, give me a follow! Christamarie123. I am constantly tweeting witty remarks (or totally boring/stupid things depending on your opinion)

I also want to plug this great new website I am helping with. You can join the discussion here:

Also a HUGE thank you to everyone who reads this blog. It has TRIPLED it's readership in the past month. I am very thankful for you all, for all the messages and tweets (even the ones who accuse me of being mean to the Republicans and Tea Party) and the support of everyone. If you want to hear my opinion on anything, let me know! I will write about it!

Also working on a new article that should be published to Yahoo! soon on Green Jobs in Cleveland...the question...are there Green jobs in the rust belt? Yes!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Day in Review - "Frenemies"

Hello out there! I really enjoy mellow days like today. Of course, with me, it was mellow until I started thinking...I think I may have some Frenemy...

This thought appeared after a few hours of waiting for a response to an e-mail I sent last night to a friend of mine. I finally heard back and the response was strange. We have always had an unspoken rivalry, but this time, it really got me thinking...perhaps she is not a friend...but a frenemy!

This just may not be my day for friends. I actually sent a few messages out today...heard back from 1/5. That is just not a good score in my book. If I think harder about this, I realize there are a few people out there who I have considered friends who have been acting very sketchy these days.

Hmmm. Let's be honest. If you don't like me any more, if I have offended you, if you don't think I am cool enough for you or I am just not worth your precious time, please be an adult and let me know. If you want to silently un-friend me on Facebook or block me on Twitter...please do it. I promise I won't cry. I promise I won't bash you in a public arena or announce any deep dark secrets of yours to the world. I will survive, I will go on living and I will be thankful for the times I spent with you, but I guarantee I will be able to raise my head tomorrow and live my life.

In a segue from friends to guys...which are my friends as well, but not as "girly", I have something to say to those few men who are consistently trying to text/e-mail me to go out with them...if I do not write back...I am NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!!!!! I realize one of them is my own fault since my friend Laurel (not a frenemy) was not watching me carefully enough on my birthday and I got a bit grabby with this guy, but if you send someone 10 texts and they never write back, take a hint...and before you call me out on not contacting him and being honest (see previous paragraph) , I have told him TWICE I am not interested.

Two other gentleman have been incessently messaging me on a certain dating site I happen to be subscribed to. Again...I have politely messaged them both and said "Thanks, but no Thanks". So what do they do? Keep sending me messages!!!! I don't want them! I don't want you! I think you are ugly! Seriously...I wish I could say that and not feel bad about it.

There IS however, a very cute guy I have been talking to...I may be into him, in fact...though I may be robbing the cradle because he is a bit younger than me...Ok...7 year younger...but it can't hurt to have a little fun, right?

On that note, I am out...could be an interesting few days in the political arena coming up. I will be watching...

Oh! One more thing! My ticket! I still haven't heard anything about my appeal, but I asked my dad over the weekend if he would help me fight it to the Supreme Court if I had to. He looked at me and said "I'd rather just give you the $25 to pay it"....Ahhh....the things my Dad says....

Adding some Breaking News! Apparantly Arnold Schwarzenegger was hit with a parking ticket in LA...we have something in common! I wonder if his was warranted or he got hit by a FALSE ACCUSATION like myself...

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day in Review - "Death Threats and Repeal...All in a Day's Work"

Welcome to 2011. Of course this is only the 3rd day of the year, but thus far, it has been wonderful! Hilarity is ensuing in both the entertainment world as well as in politics today, as you know, two of my favorite things. Let's get on with it, shall we?

"Death Threats Against Disney Star" - Now I would normally never take the time of day to even acknowledge that Justin Bieber exists, but today is a special day! Why? If you haven't heard, he is allegedly dating Disney star Selena Gomez. Now they have not confirmed this, but lets just say for the sake of this blog, they are dating.

Over New Year’s Eve weekend, the Biebs and Selena were photographed getting pretty cuddly in St. Lucia. As a normal adult, many will say “Awww” or “Puke”, but some members of the “Bieber Brigade” are furious at this news. Though the two stars fan bases do overlap, Selena Gomez has been getting some pretty hate filled responses to this latest developments in the story.

Some classic tweets about this are:

“"Omg I hate Selena Gomez She took my man!” (Newsflash to the author of this tweet…Justin was not your man, nor will he ever be your man. Get over it. Jordan Knight, as much as I wanted him to be, was never my boyfriend and I survived the trauma.)

“Selena Gomez is a bitch” (Simple, but effective)

“im still crying.... over Selena and Justin” (Poor girl...get a box of tissues and the number of a therapist STAT)

“I will KILL Selena Gomez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (Oh! You will? 25 to Life sounds good for all with "Bieber Fever" to me)

“You are going to die if you do not leave justin It is true XD” (Yikes! If I were Selena Gomez right now I would be afraid...*note sarcasm*)

Since I cannot bear to search for any more of these gems, I will trust you get the idea of what is going on in the 11-15 ish age group tonight.

"Congress Returns With A Repeal" - The 112th Congress has not officially even started yet but my favorite true life soap opera is already in full swing. The quick story on this is the GOP wants to repeal the well known Health Care bill which was signed, sealed and delivered in late 2010. Though it is true, they are sending a message is kind of funny they think they can actually do this! I hope the GOP isn't doing this with a lot of seriousness. Though I love making fun of them, I would certainly hope they have more brains in their heads than to think they can repeal this. Have they heard of veto power?

In closing tonight, I want to send a shout out to my friend Eileen and wish her a Happy Birthday! I am sorry it had to fall on "The World Hates Selena Gomez Day".

I also want to invite anyone who likes to discuss and post information online to check out a website I am currently pimping - It's cool, it's fun and needs to get off the ground!