Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day in Review - Quasimodo's Cousin Wrote to Me Today

Yay Tuesday! Except it's Wednesday, isn't it...I seriously just wrote that and it is too damn funny to erase. I guess I was so excited to relive Tuesday, it was some sort of psychological, Freud inspired slip. (Not sure why, as yesterday was pretty blah)

Not a peep from penis guy today, but I do want to let you know I am not the only person this has happened to.  I stumbled upon this blog today - Pursuit Blog.(<---Click here to check it out)   Yes.  She has gotten the (now infamous on this blog) penis pic...though probably not the same one I got, of course. (At least I hope not) The weirdest thing about this is she is from it only Clevelander's who feel the need to share their penile pics with random girls? Is this a regional practice? I will say not likely, as I got several tallywaker pics while I was in New York as well. Perhaps an eastern side of the county thing?  Who knows.  Whatever it is...just stop sending them PLEASE!  I wonder what Freud would think?

In other news, I am not watching American Idol. I have never watched it and I don't particularly care much about it.

After my horrendous experience with the last guy, I found I was able to take a baby step into the dating foray again today and signed into an online dating site I am a member of. I signed on for about 5 minutes, didn't see anything I particularly liked and went back to work. A few minutes later, my Blackberry light went on signaling to me I had an e-mail!  Woo Hoo! (It doesn't take a whole hell of a lot to get me excited sometimes, as you can see)

It was from the dating site! I had received a new message! This could be the future husband.  My soul mate. The man I will grow old with. The father of my future children. We could meet on this site and live happily ever after. Love at first site. (These are the thoughts racing through my head as I click open the site to check my new e-mail)

WARNING: I am not trying to be offensive in the following paragraphs...just not for me...

It was from user "God4All123". (Let me pause and say I made this screen name up, but it is very similar to the actual one.) I click on his profile first and take a look....Seriously?  Really?  These are the guys I can attract?  He is listed as 48 years old. He weighs about 450.  (Guestimate on my part based on his photos) He has 1 front tooth missing. 2 out of 3 of his real photos were dated 2006.  The rest of his 10 photos are various crosses and pictures of the crucifixion of Jesus. Oh, and one of an ugly cat.  On to the written section....

The first three (!!!!!) paragraphs were about his love for God and why his perfect match will join him in this journey.  Yes. I believe in God. Yes. I pray. Yes. I believe God has brought me to this place for a reason. Yes. I have read the entire Bible...twice. But.....I attend the Church of Christa.  I have my own way of doing what I do faith wise. I do not like being told what to believe and I am not really the type of person who advertises my beliefs. I have a personal relationship with God and that's how I roll....

The last paragraph was full of spelling mistakes, horribly bad grammar, and the fact that he is allergic to dogs....Yes. I spell things wrong at times. Yes. I make grammatical errors at times. BUT NOT IN A POST WHERE I AM TRYING TO ATTRACT A MATE!!!!   I HAVE A FREAKING DOG!!!

I take a deep breath and finally read the e-mail....subject is "hi their little ladie"  Grrrr.

It says: "im trying 2 find out if u found anyone yet,,if not will u except a chat request? you are beautiful and my heart warmed when i saw your photos. your eyes are like the bluie skies."  (What do you know!  He is a poet too! This was an exact copy and paste of the e-mail by the way)

Once I finished chuckling, I politely wrote back and said "Thanks for the e-mail. At this time I do not believe we are a great match. It does not seem like we have a lot in common.  I appreciate your comments and wish you luck in your search".  Was that mean? Inappropriate?  A little dry maybe, but I was trying to be nice and reply to the poor guy.

About 1 minute later I get another flash on my BlackBerry and another e-mail about a message on the site. is from him.  It says (Again, copied and pasted)
"well just wanted 2 tell u about me alittle bit anyways im looking 4 my queen i am very nice ..i joke around a lot but im look 4 the one that makes me happy. im a mannager going into a directors possion...i dont drink and im staying that way..i love the out doors. I have an asociates degree in business. i would love 2 have kids more than 2...if i find my queen ,,is it ?"


I didn't respond....I did my nice, polite e-mail and now done with him.  Perhaps I will find my soul mate is another day, after all.

PS...While I was writing this post, I got another flash on my BlackBerry...It is from MySpace (which I haven't signed onto in about 2 years) saying "Russell Simmons friended you on MySpace"  I have to go check this out!!!!!!!!


heather said...

Oh Christa! Tou are too funny! He is out there for you...he will arrive someday...and when he does, you will know it is him!

Cletis L. Stump said...

Christa, I was a bit hurt that you so easily rejected brother Clem's overture. Sure, he's a might heavy and his fluency with a quill pen isn't what it might be. Still, (the adverb not the spirit making device behind the shed) the man's got a heart of gold which he fully intends to send you a picture of as soon as possible.

Thanks for dropping by the other day. You are a riot. Cletis

Confessionista said...

Oh Cletis....I am sure that Clem will survive without my glorious presence in his life. Thanks for the comments. I have enjoyed reading your blog as well. :)