Monday, January 31, 2011

Day in Review - Excuse Me, Did I Say You Could Touch My Ass?

Long time, no blog! I have been a busy girl! Glad to be back though. I was on this creative kick for a few days writing some stories and working on some inspired endeavors. I had some wonderful family time this weekend as well, so all was worth it. It was wonderful to have our monthly, family "Girl's Night" at a wonderful restaurant. I wanted to give a special "Thank You" to my sister. (not sure if she reads this or not) She waited for a full 90 minutes on Friday at the restaurant so our family could get a table!  Bravo to Tricia!

Saturday was laundry day and a trip to the all you can eat Chinese buffet with my parents, Sarah and Todd. (as they are now known) I learned a new Chinese phrase from my fortune cookie as well - "Xièxiè"...it means "Thank You".  So a Xièxiè to my sister, a Xièxiè to my parents and a Xièxiè to all of you for reading this blog!

A quick shameless plug, then on with the show..did you know you can follow the blog and be notified via e-mail when I update it?  Yes! You can! If you click the "Follow" button on the top of the page, you can sign up and know when I post. You can even do it anonymously!(Just in case you don't want anyone to know you read this trashy thing)  I also want to invite you to check out another awesome blog I personally follow - The Book of Cletis. Read it and love it...like I do.

We are going to discuss personal space tonight...see, something happened to me this morning that needs to be mentioned in a public forum. I was on my way to work and stopped at the gas station to grab a bottle of water since I had neglected to bring one from home. There was a long line (only one register open), so as I was waiting, I was checking out my latest tweets on Twitter. I was engulfed in tweets when I noticed a peculiar smell...it was sort of like a mix of cigarettes/body odor/gasoline/wet dog. I turned my head to see who was behind me radiating this toxic smell. It was an older, unkempt woman with stringy, greasy hair and two teeth. I politely smiled, she smiled back (which is when I noticed the teeth) and I went on with my tweeting. It was then, when I felt something...yes...something touched my ass. I took a small step forward, thinking it was just a mistake. You know, there were a lot of people in there. Sometimes you may get in someone's personal space. I get it. I did not, however, get it the 2nd time I felt something touch my ass.  It was just a little touch...so for a 2nd time, I took a small shifting step forward. My mind raced, thinking if I should say something to this smelly woman, or let it go...it really could just be a mistake, right?  Then...it happened again...a series of taps...right on my right ass cheek. I turn around then...to face Ms. Smelly. She smiled at me with her two teeth and said "Hi!". (I was "on deck" at this point in the line, so luckily this conversation couldn't go far) I kind of looked at her, I am sure with a pained, confused expression, and she said "I just wanted to tell you that you have beautiful eyes." (Shit! Shit! Shit!  What do I do!!!) I just stared at her for a second...when I heard the best thing ever..."Can I help you?" I stepped forward, placed my water on the counter, threw my $1.02 on the counter and high tailed it out of there. As soon as I got to my car I tweeted "An old smelly lady just touched my ass several times at the gas station.".

So my question is...why in the HELL do people think they can touch you like that??!??!?  Though I may be a hot, attractive piece of....work????? (LOL!!!) That does not give a stranger permission to touch me, especially on my ass!  It is a sacred place! I certainly don't go around grabbing strangers asses! (When I am sober, at least) Do I now need to wear a sign that says "Hands off the merchandise"? She couldn't have touched my shoulder? Tapped my back if she had to say something? What about a simple "Excuse me"? I don't mind speaking to people in line. If you want to have small talk, I'm game...but unless I have known you for longer than 3 minutes, please do not touch my ass...especially if you are an old, smelly woman.


To close up tonight, I want to share this hilarious video that Brooke Baldwin shared today on Twitter.  It has had me laughing all day!

2 comments:

Adam said...

Let's talk about this for a second. For me I guess it is where they touch me. I am thinking, I should go to the airport, pop a few viagra along w/ some extascy, and tell the TSA guy to forget the gloves.

Just a thought. I wish I was hot enough to get accosted. Hawt!

Cletis said...

Crista, people touch my wife's ass all the time. His name is Earistotle and he's three this year, which is odd considering my wife turned..........last October.

Her ass also weighs about 800 pounds. Talking about junk in the trunk.