Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I haven't been keeping this up like I had wanted to...but I am going to catch everyone up. I got word at work that the hotel I work at is going to be sold. What does this mean exactly? Well, it means that the management company I work for will no longer be managing this hotel, which means I may not have a job. That is really scary in these rough economic times, right? My boss says she thinks I will be ok, but this new company who has come in hasn't said or mentioned anything about if they are going to keep us. I think the hourly employees will be fine, but the managers...all is up in the air.

I have been busy with work, because there is a lot of paperwork, filing, packing boxes, etc, because I have to send all of this stuff back to our corporate office. I will keep this all updated...or try to anyway.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

There is a boil on my....

I got into HR by accident. I was one of those people who had a degree but had no idea what I wanted to do career-wise. I tried a few things, but nothing ever really stuck well with me. I was working as a reporter in a radio station and one day, I decided, I hated it. I went to a temp agency and started working temp jobs for a few months. The last temp job I had was as a receptionist for a metal stamping factory. About 3 weeks after I started, the company hired me on full-time as the HR Assistant and I just fell in love with it. The manager I worked for, John, was a 100% total SLOB. He would have just pile after pile of papers stacked all around his office. When the "powers that be" of the company would come by, the President of the company would make sure we kept John's office closed it was so bad. Five months after I started there, John was terminated and I was made the Human Resources Manager.

The thing about HR is you have to have a certain combination of compassion and sterness. Not only are you the disciplinarian, but you are also the company counselor. Everyday is different too, which is why I like it. I can walk in the door in the morning and never know what my day might bring. Sure...I might have a plan written down on paper, but 75% of the time that plan changes. Things happen all the time and you are the one responsible for the recruiting, the hiring, the terminations, the discipline, the settling people down, bringing people never ends, its always different, and it is exciting. There are days where, as any HR Manager/HR Director would agree, you walk in and think...I have nothing to do today....and there are others where you think, HOW IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET ALL OF THIS DONE!!!

The other thing I like about HR is you get the "dirt" before the gossip starts, so you are always a good source for people to go to to get the "real" story. Unfortunately there is that "ethics" and "confidentiality" thing that makes it difficult to TELL the real story.

People tell you a lot too. More than you want to hear most times. Here are a few examples:


An employee walks into my office and asks for FMLA paperwork for a medical condition he has. I get the paperwork together, NOT asking at that point the reason, hand it to him and say "I hope everything is OK" He looks at me, straight in the face and says..."Well, my balls are the size of melons, so no, everything is not ok."

"Pro-Life or Pro-Choice"

I had a visit with an Executive Human Resources Director from our corporate office to go over some paperwork before an audit we were having. I hear a knock on my office door and said "Come in!" Two employees walked in, both young women, one at 20, one at 24. The 24 year old looks at me and says...."Does our health insurance cover abortions?"


On of our overnighters came into my office in the middle of the afternoon. I was kind of surprised to see him because, well...he works overnight. I greet him, ask how he is doing and he said "I can't work tonight." I ask him why. He says " I have a boil on my ass. I have a doctor's note."

I SWEAR this JUST happened as I am typing this....

Knock on the door.

"Come in"

Door opens.

One of our Sales Managers...."Um, the hallway smells like cat piss. Im goinng out on a call, but can you tell housekeeping?"

Closes door.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I have never been much of a sleeper. I was always the kind of person who would stay up late and wake up early. Even as a child I didn't sleep a lot. I rarely took a nap, even now, in fact, I rarely take naps.

My first bouts of sleeplessness came in April of 2007. I lost my job and I think that was a big part of it, because in reality, I could stay up until 3 or 4 am and not have to wake up early so I wouldn't. My whole sleep cycle was out of sync. I was on unemployment, had gotten a nice severance package and didn't have to worry about finding a job that quickly, so I spent my days watching Lifetime and Oxygen, did a little consulting in HR and that was about it. For some reason, that is when I started to lose a lot of weight too. I trained myself to not really need the sleep. Seriously, how much energy can one use up sitting on their ass watching tv all day?

The problem is, once I tried to get myself back on a normal sleeping schedule, I couldn't fall asleep at a decent time. I would force myself to wake up early, but then I still couldn't fall asleep at night. There were some things going on in my life at that time too, which is generally called "stress", so a lot of nights I would just lay in my bed and think about that stuff too. No job, problems with my long distance boyfriend, wanting to move out of Cleveland, no money...the normal things that keep people up at night I guess. I was just getting plain frustrated after about 3 weeks of being out of work. I was trying to find a job locally, but also trying to find a job in New York, the place I always wanted to be, but I was running out of money going back and forth for interviews and was not finding anything at home. I just felt stuck, so I am positive that had a big impact on my sleep.

This was also the time where I got into the on-line psychic scene. More on that coming soon. of the worst feelings is not being able to sleep. Laying in bed, waiting for the daylight so you at least have a reason to get out of bed. There were nights where I didn't sleep all night. This lasted about 4 months, then all of a sudden, I was able to sleep again.

My present "sleep issues" have been going on since March. I was in a new place, new state, new city. Everything was falling into place. I had a great job, was close to my boyfriend now, living on my own, waiting for that moment where I would be engaged to him and planning our lives in my head.

Something happened on March 17, 2008, which again, I will get into later, but since then, I haven't been able to sleep. Again, I have had nights where I didn't sleep all night. The problem now was, as opposed to before when I had this problem, is I had to go to work all day. So there have been days where I have been awake for 30-40 hours with no sleep whatsoever. This is the time I started taking the sleep medications.

I started out with the simple OTC unisom and that type of stuff. It did nothing for me, so then I got a suggestion from a friend to try melatonin, which is an herbal sleep aide. That worked better for me and even now, I switch on and off with my generic tylenol PM. I tried herbal teas, relaxation, meditation...I would take any advice anyone could give me....I still will, because I still have the issue, though with my pills, I can sleep now.

I did finally go to the doctor and was given Lunesta, which is a God send, unfortunately it is too expensive for me to take all the time. That was the best sleep I had gotten in a long time. I fell asleep quickly and woke up without that "hung over" feeling that I get often with the melatonin or generic tylenol PM.

I just think back to the nights I would be awake all night long and crying because I couldn't fall asleep. That can just be a terrible feeling. Silence...darkness...wide-eyes...the only sound being the hum of the fan on my laptop. Willing the night to be over and praying for the first light of morning.

Family Ties...

My family. My Childhood. What Made me, me.

I have a mom, a dad and a sister. I also have 4 other "sisters", my parents four dogs.

My parents have been married for 31 years. They were young when they were married. My mom 20 and my dad 19. I am 29, my sister is 26 and we are not even close to being married, which causes some grief for my mother, who cannot wait to have grandchildren. I have a dog and I tell her she has a "granddog" and should be happy for that for a little while. I thought I was going to be married once.....a story for a different time though. My point is, this is just a different time and place then the mid 70's when my parents were married.

My mother is a dental hygenist. She has worked for the same dentist for 16 years. She knows her patients well and has the personallity to make people feel at ease when they go somewhere as scary as the dentists office. That is the side of my mother I don't really see except for my two appointments a year when I go get my teeth cleaned or have to get a cavity filled. That is when I see her in her groove I guess.

My dad works for a company that makes car paint. He started working there a few months before I was born, so he is at about 30 years at the same company. I don't know what he does there though. Its kind of weird that he has worked somewhere for 30 years and I can't even explain what his job is to people. I don't even know his official job title. I am a daddy's girl.

My sister is 26. She works for a nationally acclaimed hospital in Cleveland, OH and does animal research. We disagree a lot on what she does for a living. We are very different people, and only in the past few years have we really gotten along better.

My family all lives outside of Cleveland. I grew up outside of Cleveland. We lived in the same house for 15 years in a suburb on the shores of Lake Erie. You could see the Lake from our backyard a block to the north. We had a pool growing up...a very cool accessory for any kid. We lived in an upper-middle class area and honestly, though we may have thought differently when we were younger, my parents really did give my sister and I everything we could have needed or wanted...and the pool helped us fit in to that mold that we were "supposed" to fit in.

We moved into that house when I was in kindergarten. One of my first memories of really getting a dose of reality was in kindergarten when my class went to the zoo and I couldn't go because I had a doctor's appointment. I was so distraught that I remember it 25 years later. The other thing I remember about kindergarten was learning to read. I had gotten the basics down my watching Sesame Street, but actually learning it was another thing that was a big influence to me...even today I am an avid reader.

Those things that happen, even when so young, have an influence on who we are today.

The other really special people in my family are my mom's two sisters, my aunts and my "Nana"...the one who made me, me.

What you need to know...

I am 29 years old...I will be thirty in 73 days from today. Seems like a lot, but when you think about it in months, it is only a little over two months. The basics...29 and 3/4...female...blonde hair, blue eyes...average build (after losing about 60 pounds due to stress I think)

I have a lot going on in my head.

I live in NY...right outside the city. I feel kind of like Doogie Howser or something, because I want to do this blog as a daily thing...mostly to just get my feelings and thoughts out. Doogie Howser always did that on his old school computer in the show. All I remember about that show is the computer and his friend Vinnie. Doogie...I don't think I would want to go to a doctor named Doogie. Anyway, moving on.

I don't sleep. Maybe I should rephrase that. I don't sleep without help. My mom used to tell me I didn't sleep through the night until I was over a year-old. Maybe it is engrained in me or something. I took Lunesta for about a month which was WONDERFUL. Then I tried to re-fill it and before the doctor would let me get a re-fill he wanted me to come back for an appointment. Adding that up in my head, I had already been there twice. $25 for one appointment, $25 for another, $50 for the medication. That is $100 just to be able to sleep through the night, plus he wanted another $25 plus the $50 for the medication. $75 or the $5.99 Walgreens version of Tylenol PM was my choice...I chose Walgreens. Now I sleep...with help, of course, and I am probably getting myself addicted to OTC sleep meds, but beinig able to sleep today seems more pressing then worrying about long term affects of the Tylenol PM. I am going off on a tangent here. I will get back to my sleeping problems later...

I smoke a lot. It costs too much money and I have tried to quit four times now. I am an addict. I love smoking. I smoke ultra lights just to try to trick myself into thinking it isn't as bad. Sad, isn't it?

I am afraid. Afraid of a lot. I will get into this at another time though.

I am a professional. Yes, I am a professional, I went to college, went to grad school, now I am in the business world. Technically I am a Human Resources Director. That is what my business cards say. I have a looooooot of stories. People tell me I am good at what I do. I like it, it has its good sides and bad sides.

I am a girl and I have confessions. Confessions about myself, my achievements, my dreams, my sins, my losses. I am a girl.