Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day in Review - Sometimes the Universe is Out to Get You...

I have had a bad week.  No reason to beat around the week was pretty sucky.  Today was the best day of the week so far and I almost ran out of gas...really...I thought I heard serious sputtering...

I try to stay pretty positive, but my positivity was very much threatened this week and I have seen it like a sort of valley.  Monday was all right...Tuesday was Wednesday I felt depression trying to take over my it seems like I may be coming out of this and I am visualizing tomorrow to be better.  Saturday I am going on a "staycation" to my parents house for the holiday weekend.

For the sake of remaining positive, there were some good things that happened.  I worked on a great project that I enjoyed, I got my web page finished up, I got a secret shout out on CNN, Chloe and I have walked for our health every night this week, my tomato plants officially have flowers and I finally got to watch "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

As you see, all has not been bad.  There have been some crap things going on though....I took a class in college and I learned one of the best ways to get over bad things is to write a letter to the things or people that have hurt you.  I shall do that now for a few of them...

Dear City of Cleveland,
I am saddened that you gave me a parking ticket. I felt that our relationship was getting better and stronger, but after this ticket, I think that we are on a sudden decline. According to the stop watch I set on my phone to know how much time I had, I was 1:15 over.  So in that minute and 15 seconds, some Nazi meter maid came upon my car with a fluorescent yellow envelope and ticket.

 I actually don't know if you can remedy this. There is more...unfortunately I have also found that I have wasted 35 cents due to parking meters that simply ate my dimes and nickel. Shall I just send a check for $24.65?

Still Mad At You,

To the Cadillac that Cut Me Off Today,

Don't be surprised if the next time you do it, the hood of my Honda ends up ramming your ass.

Please Learn to Use Your Turn Signals,

To the Single Canadian Soldier I Came Upon,
I hope you keep your friends away from me because I am scared of you.  I may pee my pants if I see a swarm. God help me if one actually gets on my person...

Scared of Bugs (Christa)

To Governor Kasich

Guns in bars?  That's not a disaster waiting to happen or anything....

Concerned Citizen


I think I will try to just focus on the positive.  For instance...Chloe is sitting next to me right now and she is panting because she was just running around the room chasing her annoying toy that sounds like a dying chipmunk or something...her breath smells really bad and it is kind of making me gag a little bit...focusing on the positive though, I will say she looks very cute today in her pink harness.

I will try to be positive in this aspect as well.  I took this great class last week.  Unfortunately it cost me $75 and was 5-6 hours a day, so I didn't get a lot of work I didn't really get paid this week. Again, unfortunately my rent is due in one day and I am a bit short.  Now the positive here is when I get back from my "staycation", I will have $100's of dollars sitting in my account from this project, it just isn't helping me now. Talk about bad timing! At the time I feel that $75 was a good investment to make $100's from this this time I want that $75 back! Of course, I am only thinking in the present, not the future.

I am just going to get over this poopiness.  I have a lot to look forward vacation in Medina, going to see the Cleveland Orchestra for their 4th of July show, my Aunt Debi will be in town in a matter of days, my cousin's wedding is next weekend in Bowling Green (No, I don't have a date and Yes, I will be bunking with Sarah & Todd. I daresay will be sleeping next to my dog sisters Maggie and Tia since they are going too...God help Margarita if she shits on anything of mine) and in just a few more weeks my uncle is visiting from California.Tomorrow is my 5 month anniversary of being tobacco free!

Quote of the Day "''Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life, you're better off downing a bottle of whiskey. At least that way, you're unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously.''

In the "I wish I had thought of this category" - Check this link out. (The Immoral Minority)  I almost choked when I read it.  The Gates of Hell, indeed....

Friday, June 24, 2011

Day in Review - I Dreamed of Lobster Bob's

Friday night...home alone with my dog who is currently not speaking to me, nor I to her. We got in a fight because she felt it was necessary to bark her little head off when I left to retrieve a package from the office of my apartment building.

Since I have no date (more about dating in a moment, of course) and going out tomorrow for my cousin's bachelorette party, I am trying to relax and watch some "Absolutely Fabulous". 

Here is a confession...I am obsessed with British comedies.  Now I know many of you know this, but I am an Anglophile and especially "philed" with British comedies, like AbFab. (Oh, damn...I am making up words...I hope I am not channeling Sarah P) I have actually spent several hours the past few weeks watching the entire series "Are You Being Served" on YouTube and finished up my marathon last night with the final two episodes of "Grace & Favour", the spin-off series.

For those of you who don't like Brit comedies...well, I feel sorry for you.  I seriously laugh out loud. Though most people know what AbFab is, here is a clip from Are You Being Served. This one alone made me laugh out loud 3 times.

Is anyone wondering what Lobster Bob's is? Let me start this way....I saw the movie "I Dreamed of Africa" and I always felt like it was a catchy title...I was hoping to, at some point in my life, come up with something just as catchy. I haven't yet....but I did dream of Lobster Bob's and want to use it now.

See, Lobster Bob's is a restaurant that isn't really called Lobster Bob's...I only thought it was called Lobster Bob's and it turned into an inside joke that has been around for years with a small group of select people. To be honest, I don't know what the real name of the restaurant is and quite frankly, I don't care.  It will always be Lobster Bob's in my heart and soul.

In my dream, I am in Lobster Bob's...and I am meeting with a group of people I don't know, but I am very important to them.  They are all gushing over me and I am is loud and smells like..well...a seafood restaurant.  I don't know why I am there but I know I am supposed to be there. There are so many people in Lobster Bob's, but at times I see glimpses of people I mom, Abby, Nicole...Bill Clinton is there.  He waves we over and I walk over to him like we are best friends. He tells me he has a message from my Nana and she would be there shortly. In the meantime I should find a woman with a blue dress.

Now Lobster Bob's is certainly not a place that is fancy where I would find everyone wearing fancy dresses, but I didn't find anyone wearing a blue dress. (does anyone see the Bill Clinton/Blue Dress connection?) Turns out the person in the blue dress was unknown to me.  She was about my age, perhaps a bit older...she said it was a pleasure to meet me and we would meet again soon. 

At that point, my Nana came in...holding her purse close, like she always was the first thing I noticed...she came right through the crowd, walked up to me, gave me a hug and asked if I had been watching Nancy Grace...she then said "Keep doing this and I will see you soon".  She left...back through the crowd.

I know there was more to the dream, but nothing as vivid as the part I described. It is bothering me because I can't figure it out.  I don't know who the "blue dress" woman was (No, it wasn't Monica) and I don't know what "Keep doing this" means. I trust she will be back to explain.  Until then, I will just have to wonder....

Maybe it's a date...since my "no chemistry" conversation with the last guy, I admit, things have been pretty quiet.  I joined for a weekend freebie which was recommended to me by friend Liz (Check out her blog here:  Since I was just there for the weekend, I didn't have a lot of time to meet anyone, but two guys quickly set up communication with me.  One of them, I really thought might be a good prospect...we messaged several times on the site and before my weekend freebie ended, I gave him my e-mail address and he promised to e-mail...which he did...
I e-mailed him back....he emailed me back....I e-mailed him back...and never heard from him again...

The other one, I wasn't really sure of, but I wanted to give him a chance...he sent me his number and asked for mine so we could chat on the phone. I did...he never called...

So here I am dear friend Anne suggested I watch "He's Just Not That Into You".  She said it would give me insight on the type of guy I should look for.

My fellow blogger Cletis Stump seemed to imply I don't know how to date...I implied to him that he should be my chaperone.  (Read "The Book of Cletis")  He is hilarious by the way.  The other day he tweeted this: "Dreamed I was a Republican last night. Yes, there are things worse than death."  I knew I found a kindred spirit.

(As a side note, Republicans are, of course, welcome on my blog and should be active participants. I do not discriminate based on political orientation.  I love everyone equally, but I may make fun of your politics behind your back when you aren't looking)

So, still Friday night...still no date...writing a dog isn't speaking to me.  I think I will just snuggle up with Eddie and Patsy, get some wine and enjoy.

Quote of the Day - "The only way to deal with a stalker is to cut off his stalk" - "Patsy" from "Absolutely Fabulous"

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

Here is a special post to say Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there, especially to my own.  So in tribute of Father's Day and to my own dad Jim, I would like to honor him with this blog post....

My dad and I don't have a sappy, loving doesn't work for us and I am glad for it. I am not a sappy, loving person.

We show we care with funny cards, uncomfortable "talks" and the $20 he used to slip into my purse when he would give me a hug as I drove back to NYC. (Apparently when you move back home to Ohio, that stops...)

He loves his grand-dog, Chloe.  She sent him a very special Father's Day picture of herself better be his phone background when I see him later, or Chloe will be very sad.  He even risks his own life and limb to cut her nails when they need done. (She has been banned from the PetSmart dog spa due to behavioral problems...I TOLD the lady it would be better if I held her, but she didn't listen)

He makes fun on me and rolls his eyes when I do "Christa" losing a piece of my headlight structure when I tried to be independent and change my own. (My light beam still veers off to the right a bit)

He took me to my first Brown's game at the old stadium...I don't think we made it much past the half, but I was young and don't remember much about poor brain probably got frozen too.

We share a love of Harry Potter and dinosaur bones...history and yes, I have been known to watch the original Star Wars movies with him.

He tortured me when I was young by forcing me to go to the Henry Ford museum...

He did those Dad things like teaching me how to drive (though he may not want to claim that now) and showing me how to put windshield wiper fluid in. (I do it in emergencies only)

He set up my cable and helped me move (several times). He was my rock when I dealt with the death of my Nana.

He can be a man of little words, or a philosopher of randomness my mom and I tend to block out at times....

He thinks it is hilarious I call them Todd and Sarah...we clash politically, but I can't imagine he would ever vote for HER.

He makes good drinks (Except those margarita's we had last time...they kind of sucked.)

He has a tractor that is usually broken down and I almost ran over him the first time (and last!) I ever rode it.

He is always there for me and I know I can count on him. He is, after all, the most stable male in my life.

As I close this, I just want to say thanks to my dad, wish him a great Father's Day, and tell him I am on my way over with my laundry...I may even weed our garden!  Get the London broil on the grill and that weeder thing ready!

Lastly, Happy Father's Day to my grandfathers, Grandpa Donnie and Pop....though gone, you are never forgotten.  

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day in Review: The Great Midge Massacre of 2011


If you are unaware of what a midge is...please study this picture:

Midges are small, harmless insects that show up on the beautiful shores of Lake Erie every year for just a short amount of time. I ask you to look again at the above picture 100 of them...on my bedroom I lay staring up at them.  So begins The Great Midge Massacre of 2011.

(If you are a Buddhist, you may want to skip this blog post and join us next time)

I shouldn't have bugs like this in my home, especially in my bedroom, but these little buggers are attracted to lights...and due to a little opening in my window screen (that is now closed!) about 100 of them were able to sneak in and have a midge get together around the lamp on my bedside table...the only light on in the apartment. 

I didn't even notice them until I got into the bedroom and laid down. As I stared up at ceiling and corner of the room and saw the insects, I knew I would never be able to sleep with the chance they could fall from the ceiling directly into my mouth. I knew I had to do something...probably something dramatic and drastic, in order to get rid of them. I told Chloe to remain under the blanket for her own safety (she didn't listen) and I left the room.

I returned clad in my "Midge Removal Uniform". It consists of a hooded sweatshirt adequately covering my head and arms, yellow rubber dish washing gloves, and sunglasses to protect my eyes. In one hand was a roll of paper towels with tomatoes and carrots on them, in the other hand, a full spray bottle of generic Febreeze. 

I advised Chloe to return to the safety of the blankets, but she opted to retreat to the living was 1 vs 100...and I was in a killing mood.

I went to method was simple. Spray and squish, spray and squish. It seemed to me that the spray was killing them on its own, but it could be merely paralyzing the invaders. Regardless, the "squish" part of the "spray and squish" method definitely ended their lives as was shown by the flattened midge bodies on the paper towels between the tomatoes and carrots.

I went after them with gusto and determination, the smell of generic Febreeze filling the air and the tiny trails of midge guts staining my walls and ceiling. (Gonna have to get the Magic Eraser on that) As 10 minutes past, and only a few of the invading midges were left, I knew I had won this war. I let a few of the survivors escape through the window, adequately closed the screen tight and melatonin was kicking in, my hands smelled like sweaty rubber and my sunglasses had become MIA during the foray. (They reappeared the next morning on the opposite side of my bedroom) I looked at Chloe, or the bump under the blanket that was Chloe as she had returned to her spot under the covers, and felt proud of myself for facing one of my fears...the fear of insects.  

God help me if/when the Canadian Soldiers arrive.  I tend not to even leave the house.

By the way....before I close this out, I want to give everyone an update on my last date...we went out twice...I had an amazing time, I really liked this guy and couldn't wait to go out again...except I never heard from him though he said over the weekend he wanted to go out again.  It seemed like he was into me...he was gentlemanly, gave me an innocent good night kiss and even took a photo of me for his caller id on his forward this morning...

I sent him a text asking what his schedule was like and that I was still interested in seeing him.  The response was: "Hi, I don't think there is much chemistry between us, but if you want to hang out sometime, that would be cool".


Friday, June 10, 2011

Day in Review - Yes, I Have a Date Tonight

By some miracle of miracles, I have successfully gone on a first date with a man this week and plan on meeting him for a 2nd date tonight. Cross your fingers...that is all...

I have nothing to say tonight actually. I am babysitting an adorable pug named Zoe...she is laying on the couch next to me snoring like a chainsaw. It's cute. She belongs to my friend Laurel. I think I have been a good babysitter so far, but I may not be able to watch her again....I may get banned because I over fed her one day.  Laurel doesn't know, so don't tell her. Let's keep this a secret between us! 

See, Chloe is still on a semi-hunger strike and now that Zoe is here, it has gotten worse. I have had to separate them while the are eating so they both eat out of their own bowl. Yesterday, I got distracted by Wolf Blitzer and the announcement of the 24,000 Sarah Palin e-mails being released and of course I lost my train of thought and became unaware of my surroundings. Next thing I know Zoe is finishing up the last bite of Chloe's food.  Long story short, Zoe had two dinners like a hobbit and Chloe had zero dinners like me when I forget to eat. (Yes, it happens sometimes).

As you can see, I think I dropped the ball and now can't be trusted to watch Zoe anymore. Actually, I have lost her at this moment...she jumped off the couch and has disappeared...


Ok...found her.  She was hanging out in the bathroom for some reason.  Luckily she didn't run away...that would really get me fired from being a dog watcher.

Let's move on...did I mention I have an actual date tonight?  I did? Just checking...

I am going to want to talk about this whole Sarah Palin "Family Vacation" thing at some point, but really been distracted because I am waiting to see if she will make the biggest mistake of her life and throw her hair in the ring to be the Republican nominee for President. I think she will...obviously that was no family vacation.  However, maybe these e-mails released will be damaging. I was able to read this one:

(Via Huffington Post)
 From: Sarah Palin

You know you're my baby girl and all, and I love you either way, but...if you don't win Dancing With the Stars, we're all going to hell and the terrorists will win.

Make Mommy proud!


<3 Sarah (Mommy)

If you want to see more of these, check out Huffington Post here:  They are hilarious!

In something that is not hilarious, I have been watching the Cassie Anthony trial...sickening. I actually teared up today and I don't even know these people, it is just so sad. I stumbled upon it the other day and was hooked.  Will definitely be looking forward to the verdict on this case.

Since I have a date tonight, I better sign off, but wanted to put up the latest and greatest news.  Peace til we meet again!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Day in Review - Some May Say I'm a Dreamer

 Lets have a blog post, shall we?  How is everyone out there?  Excellent, I hope! I have been busy, but I am happy to report I have been busy for a reason!  For those of you who don't know, I have signed on to a big writing project. For the first time EVER, writing is bringing in a majority of my income.  It's a huge step and an exciting thing for me. I am learning a lot and focusing on some skills that can take me far. (SEO anyone?)

Besides writing, I have been up to few other things and having some random ideas. Maybe it's all know, that creative process...

Anywho...Chloe and I are adjusting to living with each other again.  She was gone for almost two weeks on vacation at my parents house (You know...Sarah and Todd...) and I was babysitting another dog. Once she came home she brought visitors.  Two chihuahuas...I was watching my "sisters" Maggie and Tia...I know I have mentioned them before. They are the chihuahua's that have taken the place of my sister and I in my parents home. They are fat, mean and bark too much, but as their designated babysitter and older sister, I try to have patience with them. This time, patience hit it's breaking point. 

Maggie, Tia and Chloe (L-R)

See...normally Maggie is a good girl and Tia is the problem child. However, this time the tables were turned....Long story short, I was in the bathroom beautifying myself (I know...I don't need to...). Tia and Chloe were wrestling with each other on the floor. I finished up my hair (Chloe and Tia still next to me)...took two steps outside of the bathroom...and it hit me...I smelled dog poop. 

I slowly walked into the living room, following the putrid scent and what do I see?  This....

Yes...that is POOP on my shoes!!!!!

 As you can see from the picture above, this was not an ideal situation. I honestly didn't know if I should laugh or cry. (I decided on both.) I immediately took this picture and sent to to my mom to show her what her sweet little dog a side note, if you look closely there is a dark area in the upper left hand corner of the photo...that is PEE.  As soon as she shit on my shoe, she squatted and pissed right next to it...

For those of you wondering if I was abusing her by not taking her outside, she gone out approximately an hour before this...peed and pooped!  This was spite, I tell you...SPITE!

Now that I have that off my chest and the chihuahua's out of my home, it is just Chloe and I again.  I think she is on a hunger strike because I won't feed her moist food (I think it gives her diarrhea) but she gets it when she visits her grandparents. (They don't have to clean up her poop with a little baggie!) Apparently she feels the Beneful I supply in Lakewood isn't good enough for her Caesar refined palate. (She is giving me the stink eye now because I asked her if she liked it.  Maybe I should change her food)  Has anyone else noticed a poop theme tonight?

Moving away from poop...I had an awesome idea today.  My Aunt Debi lives in Albuquerque and I really want to go see her. I was looking at flights last night and the absolute cheapest I could find was $278 plus tax, so at least $300, plus spending money once I get there.  That's a lot for a struggling, but fabulous writer...enter FABULOUS idea...have you heard of those people who do things and go on these adventures like blogging their way across America?  Well I could take a road trip to Albuquerque and blog it! I could take Chloe and a random friend like Pippa Middleton and blog our know, we would stop at places like the biggest ball of twine, etc.  I think it's a great idea!  All I need is a sponsor!  Anyone interested?  :)

Two more things before I sign off...I want to give a big shout out to my girl Jeannette for looking over my dating profile...hopefully it will help. So far the only takers I have gotten is a guy who looks like Janet Reno and a guy named "OhioStalion"....

I want to leave you today with a tweet from Joy her or hate her, she is witty...this made me choke when I read it I was laughing so hard "Palin told reporters George Washington was her favorite founding father--and Weezie Jefferson was her favorite first lady."

 Til next time, my friends...