Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day in Review: The Great Midge Massacre of 2011

Midges....

If you are unaware of what a midge is...please study this picture:

Midges are small, harmless insects that show up on the beautiful shores of Lake Erie every year for just a short amount of time. I ask you to look again at the above picture...now picture 100 of them...on my bedroom ceiling...as I lay staring up at them.  So begins The Great Midge Massacre of 2011.

(If you are a Buddhist, you may want to skip this blog post and join us next time)

I shouldn't have bugs like this in my home, especially in my bedroom, but these little buggers are attracted to lights...and due to a little opening in my window screen (that is now closed!) about 100 of them were able to sneak in and have a midge get together around the lamp on my bedside table...the only light on in the apartment. 

I didn't even notice them until I got into the bedroom and laid down. As I stared up at ceiling and corner of the room and saw the insects, I knew I would never be able to sleep with the chance they could fall from the ceiling directly into my mouth. I knew I had to do something...probably something dramatic and drastic, in order to get rid of them. I told Chloe to remain under the blanket for her own safety (she didn't listen) and I left the room.

I returned clad in my "Midge Removal Uniform". It consists of a hooded sweatshirt adequately covering my head and arms, yellow rubber dish washing gloves, and sunglasses to protect my eyes. In one hand was a roll of paper towels with tomatoes and carrots on them, in the other hand, a full spray bottle of generic Febreeze. 

I advised Chloe to return to the safety of the blankets, but she opted to retreat to the living room...it was 1 vs 100...and I was in a killing mood.

I went to work....my method was simple. Spray and squish, spray and squish. It seemed to me that the spray was killing them on its own, but it could be merely paralyzing the invaders. Regardless, the "squish" part of the "spray and squish" method definitely ended their lives as was shown by the flattened midge bodies on the paper towels between the tomatoes and carrots.

I went after them with gusto and determination, the smell of generic Febreeze filling the air and the tiny trails of midge guts staining my walls and ceiling. (Gonna have to get the Magic Eraser on that) As 10 minutes past, and only a few of the invading midges were left, I knew I had won this war. I let a few of the survivors escape through the window, adequately closed the screen tight and sighed...my melatonin was kicking in, my hands smelled like sweaty rubber and my sunglasses had become MIA during the foray. (They reappeared the next morning on the opposite side of my bedroom) I looked at Chloe, or the bump under the blanket that was Chloe as she had returned to her spot under the covers, and felt proud of myself for facing one of my fears...the fear of insects.  

God help me if/when the Canadian Soldiers arrive.  I tend not to even leave the house.

By the way....before I close this out, I want to give everyone an update on my last date...we went out twice...I had an amazing time, I really liked this guy and couldn't wait to go out again...except I never heard from him though he said over the weekend he wanted to go out again.  It seemed like he was into me...he was gentlemanly, gave me an innocent good night kiss and even took a photo of me for his caller id on his phone...fast forward this morning...

I sent him a text asking what his schedule was like and that I was still interested in seeing him.  The response was: "Hi, I don't think there is much chemistry between us, but if you want to hang out sometime, that would be cool".

*sigh*


5 comments:

Scott and Jonnett said...

In Togo, periodically I would wake up to thousands of very small bugs that had mated, laid eggs, and hatched over night, covering my two room house. I wore a similar get-up (albeit 100 degree weather adapted) and would spend the next several hours swatting and sweeping my floors. Though I miss many things about Togo, the bugs I do not. I can relate!

Confessionista said...

That is hilarious and I can totally picture it. I admit the thought went through my mind of putting up a mosquito net and thinking "this must be what it's like to be in the Amazon".

Cletis L. Stump said...

HOW COULD THERE NOT BE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN YOU AND ANY MAN WITH A BRAIN?

"If you are a Buddhist, you may want to skip this blog post and join us next time."

That line finished me. You are brillisnt and, from your photo, a quite fetching lady.

EHsu said...

You should have videotaped that...at least a picture? Hang in there on the dating. I've kissed many frogs before finding my prince. He'll find you.

Liz said...

What I said when I met my boyfriend (who is different from any other guy I have ever dated or gone on a date with) was: "If you are interested in seeing me again, you need to call me. I am going to give you only a few days and if you do not call me, I will assume you are not interested and move forward. When you call me, it must be to ask me out on another date not just to chit chat." He called within a few hours of our first date and asked me out again. At first I was kind of concerned that he called so quickly but then I realized it was just a compliment to me and that he liked that I made things clear and simple, but also put the ball in his court and told him he was in charge. What I have learned after dating him for a year and a half is that he (and I assume guys like him - that's a good thing) just wants it to be simple. He wants to believe that he is in charge, but he doesn't actually want to "really" be in charge. In the beginning of the relationship our conversations were like the following.
Liz: I want to go to the movies.
Boyfriend: Let's go to the movie theater that is 45 minutes from here because I like it best and I want to see this masculine type of movie with lots of weapons and such.
Liz: I don't want to see that movie, I want to see this movie.
Boyfriend: I'm not going to see that movie.
Now our conversations go like this.
Liz: I am going to the movies at 7:10 p.m. at the following location. I am going to see the following chick flick. I'm leaving at 6:30 p.m. so I can get a decent seat. If you want to come with me you are welcome to join me.
Boyfriend: How about we go to dinner before, leave at 6:00 p.m., and I'll buy?

WHAT?! So HE THINKS he is driving the ship because he is buying dinner and changing the time and crap. Really though I just decided the following:
1. We are going on a date
2. Where we are going on the date
3. What time frame the date will occur

I have to make a side note that it isn't nearly as easy as I am trying to make it out to be, but I have learned that you have to approach things in a different way.

Oh... and about bugs and stuff... I grew up on SW Ohio on a soy bean farm. My entire life, nearly my entire ceiling was covered (during a certain season) with asian lady beetles. They are kind of cute. I never wanted to kill them but I'd imagine that if someone moved from the city to my room they'd freak out. Throughout college I remember always being the one to remove bugs from people's rooms (even guys). I'm not a Buddhist but I try not to kill bugs because those lady beetles are actually a sign that the crops are healthy. They are also really helpful in kind of keeping nature in balance in general. Maybe your Midges are really important and you just murdered them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and these bugs Jonnett speaks of do sound disgusting. The eggs hatching would freak me out.