Day in Review - Catching Up with Life and Housekeeping

Hello to you, my favorite reader...I have missed you. It's been awhile since I have posted anything. I have a lot to write about, a lot to say, but just don't know how to say it or how to organize my thoughts.

Do you ever have those days or weeks where it feels your mind is just full of randomness and it makes so much sense to you, but you know if you release that randomness to the world you will either be committed or beat up?

That's where I am about now.  Lets just talk about some basics for now...

Do you remember when Margarita, my parent's dog, pooped on my shoe?  She has made it up to me and bought me some new tennis shoes. I am very excited and they will certainly come in handy for my new workout routine, that I incidentally began today. I promised my dad I would publicly share this information, so there....I did it. Maggie bought me some new shoes....she is the perfect chihuahua again (note sarcasm)

I went my cousin's wedding this weekend...my younger cousin...I had no date...

I shared a hotel room with my parents....and shared a bed with Tia and Margarita, my canine sisters.  Maggie snored in my face all night...not quite what I was counting on with this wedding....

The wedding was beautiful, there was a gorgeous bride, a handsome groom and parties throughout the night. I found I can put down some rum and cokes without consequence from getting roofied. Good to know, right?

Since the 4th of July, I have essentially been on some kind of vacation, so I have felt totally out of the loop with not only my life, but with what is going on in the world. I just, for the first time today, actually watched the news again and gave it my full attention. It was nice to do for a news lover like myself.

It is strange not to be in touch with the world for me.  Sure, I was able to look at my Twitter feed and check up online, but it definitely isn't the same as watching it on TV like I have done since junior high.  True story...I used to set my alarm for 5 am so I could watch the local news followed by the Today Show at 13 years old. Probably not a normal thing to do at 13, but I have never really totally conformed to what I am "supposed" to be, either.

This whole news thing has a point in this blog post....it is leading to this...."Auto Tune the News"...I seem to have been living under a rock when it comes to "Auto Tune the News" but I saw it late last week and almost peed myself watching these videos.  I will be truthful, some of you may not like them.  Basically these videos take real news stories and real news anchors like Katie Couric and auto tune them into a hilarious montage. They also use footage from C-SPAN and the UN...This one is my favorite -



I also cracked up at the one called "Pure Poppycock" if you are interested.

In other news, something that didn't make me pee myself was Rachael Owens' new album.  I picked it up last week and love it!  I am working on an amazing review right now for it. These songs were an awesome addition to my iPod for my road trip to the wedding this weekend. The album has soul, which I love. You can feel the emotion in the songs. If a song doesn't touch your soul, it isn't worth listening to in my opinion. Check it out on iTunes or CDBaby - follow this link!  Alright - Rachael Owens

I have actually been working behind the scenes trying to make this blog better and updated more often.  You probably don't realize, but just one post, usually takes an hour or two for me to write. I have opened up to some guest bloggers and we may see one of them shortly. Additionally I am working on some new features and will test them to see if I can get any audience interaction, such as a "Question of the Day".

People seem to enjoy my Quote of the Day, so I will probably keep that up. I also will probably do some kind of "Thank You" of the day on the blog...appreciation and gratitude should be a part of all of our lives. I have a huge thank you coming up in the next month or so for my 6-month anniversary of being nicotine free which will be August 1st, but I really don't know how to thank someone who 1) I have never met 2) Inspired me to do one of the hardest things I have ever done and 3) possibly saved my life. (If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know! I am SO not good with this type of mushy stuff and want to do it without being annoying.) 

This, however, is not today's "Thank You of the Day". 

Today's "Thank You" goes out to incidentally another person I have never met and also has inspired me to do something I probably wouldn't have ever done before...this is a man who has literally support me via the internet, stood by my ideas, spread the word when I needed it spread and shared this blog with more people than have ever read it before...this man is the genius behind the blog The Book of Cletis.  Yes, Cletis...my "Thank You of the Day" goes out to you. Thank you for the inspiration, the laughs, the kind words you always give, Patrice and Stumpy, and all the wonderful things your write about on your site. You have been a pleasure to interact with, a fellow blogger to look up to and a reader who inspires me to be a better writer.

Last, but not least...that quote of the day which reminds me of my youth and my wonderful tennis coach, Abby Wightman -

"Tennis is a fickle sport. No matter how good you are at it, a wall will always be better."

Day in Review - Some May Say I'm a Dreamer

 Lets have a blog post, shall we?  How is everyone out there?  Excellent, I hope! I have been busy, but I am happy to report I have been busy for a reason!  For those of you who don't know, I have signed on to a big writing project. For the first time EVER, writing is bringing in a majority of my income.  It's a huge step and an exciting thing for me. I am learning a lot and focusing on some skills that can take me far. (SEO anyone?)

Besides writing, I have been up to few other things and having some random ideas. Maybe it's all good...you know, that creative process...

Anywho...Chloe and I are adjusting to living with each other again.  She was gone for almost two weeks on vacation at my parents house (You know...Sarah and Todd...) and I was babysitting another dog. Once she came home she brought visitors.  Two chihuahuas...I was watching my "sisters" Maggie and Tia...I know I have mentioned them before. They are the chihuahua's that have taken the place of my sister and I in my parents home. They are fat, mean and bark too much, but as their designated babysitter and older sister, I try to have patience with them. This time, however...my patience hit it's breaking point. 

Maggie, Tia and Chloe (L-R)

See...normally Maggie is a good girl and Tia is the problem child. However, this time the tables were turned....Long story short, I was in the bathroom beautifying myself (I know...I don't need to...). Tia and Chloe were wrestling with each other on the floor. I finished up my hair (Chloe and Tia still next to me)...took two steps outside of the bathroom...and it hit me...I smelled dog poop. 

I slowly walked into the living room, following the putrid scent and what do I see?  This....

Yes...that is POOP on my shoes!!!!!

 As you can see from the picture above, this was not an ideal situation. I honestly didn't know if I should laugh or cry. (I decided on both.) I immediately took this picture and sent to to my mom to show her what her sweet little dog did...as a side note, if you look closely there is a dark area in the upper left hand corner of the photo...that is PEE.  As soon as she shit on my shoe, she squatted and pissed right next to it...

For those of you wondering if I was abusing her by not taking her outside, she gone out approximately an hour before this...peed and pooped!  This was spite, I tell you...SPITE!


Now that I have that off my chest and the chihuahua's out of my home, it is just Chloe and I again.  I think she is on a hunger strike because I won't feed her moist food (I think it gives her diarrhea) but she gets it when she visits her grandparents. (They don't have to clean up her poop with a little baggie!) Apparently she feels the Beneful I supply in Lakewood isn't good enough for her Caesar refined palate. (She is giving me the stink eye now because I asked her if she liked it.  Maybe I should change her food)  Has anyone else noticed a poop theme tonight?

Moving away from poop...I had an awesome idea today.  My Aunt Debi lives in Albuquerque and I really want to go see her. I was looking at flights last night and the absolute cheapest I could find was $278 plus tax, so at least $300, plus spending money once I get there.  That's a lot for a struggling, but fabulous writer...enter FABULOUS idea...have you heard of those people who do things and go on these adventures like blogging their way across America?  Well I could take a road trip to Albuquerque and blog it! I could take Chloe and a random friend like Pippa Middleton and blog our adventures...you know, we would stop at places like the biggest ball of twine, etc.  I think it's a great idea!  All I need is a sponsor!  Anyone interested?  :)

Two more things before I sign off...I want to give a big shout out to my girl Jeannette for looking over my dating profile...hopefully it will help. So far the only takers I have gotten is a guy who looks like Janet Reno and a guy named "OhioStalion"....

I want to leave you today with a tweet from Joy Behar...love her or hate her, she is witty...this made me choke when I read it I was laughing so hard "Palin told reporters George Washington was her favorite founding father--and Weezie Jefferson was her favorite first lady."

 Til next time, my friends...

Day in Review - Christa and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I wanted to call this post Year in Review because it seems like that's that how long I have been away! Surprise!  I am here!  I have been such a busy girl this past week or so.  What have I been up to you ask?  Well, I will reveal all by the end of this post and will also tell you about my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day today.  Before I do, however, I want to give myself a shout-out and announce that today is my 3 week anniversary of my "Quit Smoking, 2011" campaign. I feel really good actually. I am still feeling some effects, however, but almost back to my normal self! This topic will come up again below!

So...I have been busy! I have not had a lot of time to write the blog for a few reasons, but the biggest is I have been getting more paid gigs! I have been expanding and getting more clients during the afternoon for my part time dog walking job, which is pushing back my 2nd part time job in the afternoon/evening job with ChaCha, which is getting cut to extremes because I have gotten a few paid writing gigs!   I am currently working on finishing up writing an e-book on...what else?  Quitting smoking!!!!!  It is almost done, so I thought tonight would be a great time to get a blog post out before I attempt to sleep. As much as I wish I could write blog posts all day, every day, right now I have to choose to spend my time with activities that actually pay...since the blog doesn't.

I have still been hitting the gym when I can. I was invited tonight, but just couldn't swing it with the e-book needing to get finished.  It's actually fine with me since I can barely walk at the moment from my work out yesterday!  It wasn't bad all day until this evening.  I may need an ass massage because that's what is hurting so badly...if there is anyone hot reading this and wants to volunteer, let me know and I will give you my address...

Since the weekend I have also been busy dog sitting as my parents, yes, Sarah and Todd, are on one of their tropical vacations they like to take several times a year (without their daughter, mind you...they did take me once actually, so I am not going to complain) . I am officially in charge of their chihuahua's, Margarita and Tia, until Sunday.

Tia on the left, Margarita on the right

I tend to get along better (until this week) with Tia, since Margarita and I have always had, let's say a "troubled" relationship, due to the fact she has tried to bite me roughly 158 times in her lifetime and has even succeeded two or three times in getting her little chihuahua teeth into my delicately, beautiful skin. However, I have to say, little Margarita is being a dream...compared to the hurricane that is Tia. Since Tia has been a little terror, and her parents Sarah and Todd are out of town, I considered writing up a little classified ad, but considering her breath smells, she pees on the floor like she owns the place, barks all the time and has to be hand fed, I can't really see that anyone would take her.  I have told her several times in the past few days: "Tia, you are damn lucky you are cute".

I am sure you have noticed the title of this blog post...Yes, I am Christa and most of my day was, indeed, terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. See, I woke up this morning with high hopes of a fabulous Tuesday. I would do some work, go walk my dogs, come back and do some more work, settle in and watch Glee, write a fantastic blog post, then go to bed at a decent time. (Would just like to say it is currently 11:44pm and not decent in my book) Since "the girls" have been here this week, my mornings have been a little slower than normal.  I have take Chloe outside to go potty first, then come back up and get Maggie (This is what we call Margarita) and Tia. Fat assed little Maggie can't walk down the stairs by herself, so I have to carry her. (This is why I don't take all three dogs at one time, as I would only have one hand free) Of course it is 6:30 am and Tia starts barking the whole way down the steps. We finally get downstairs "the girls" do their business and we go back up. Once we get up stairs, I must feed them. (Remember, Tia needs to be hand fed due to "medical reasons". Some may say she just has a bad attitude and won't learn to eat on her own) It takes longer than just filling a bowl with food and setting it down, as I do with Chloe.

Lets move ahead...I am about 45 minutes behind already at this point, so I start my work. I am happily working along, poured some wonderful tea, I had a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats...and at some point, checked my e-mail...Oh good!  My electric bill is here!  I open it up and have a heart attack on the spot...$108.  (The highest it has been since I have lived in this apartment was $25)  I immediately got on the phone...4 Customer Service reps later, 3 which were not fit to work in any Customer Service capacity, two untimely disconnections of my phone signal (Verizon, you are NEXT!!!), and one crying Chloe at my side (she needed to go outside), I finally got an explanation I can understand and though I am not happy about it, there is nothing I can do about it, but suck it up and pay. Whoever invented the "Actual" vs "Estimated" system for checking meters should be banned from the world.

I hang up the phone and take a deep breath...and I smell poop...of course, my first thought went to Tia who has had a history of pooping in the house, so I swung around quickly in my chair...Tia is sleeping very innocently curled up on the couch. I noticed there were some brown spots on the carpet...I followed them with my eyes...(I will try to be as "non gross" as possible) and there were just several large brown spots of nasty dog diarrhea all over my carpeting....and Chloe sitting in the corner looking extremely scared that I was about to yell at her. I had three issues with this.  1) I knew it was kind of my fault because she was crying to go out, but I couldn't take her out when I was on the phone, so I didn't yell at her. 2) There are several puppy pads spread strategically around the apartment due to Tia's refusal to pee outside like a normal dog and 3) the realization that I would be cleaning up dog diarrhea in my very near future.

I did clean the carpet...Woolite carpet cleaner followed by Oxyclean followed by Febreeze...then I had to go to work. Work was actually pretty good. No major issues or problem. I picked up a new client so I did have a little bit of "first day jitters", but in general it was fine. I came back home and walked in and the apartment smelled like poop....All the dogs were crated/gated...I prepared myself...but there was no poop anywhere.  I Febreezed again, and have continued once every few hours....

The third major thing that happened was this...my friend Laurel had given me a new lamp this weekend. I needed it, it is a large floor lamp and though I had brought it up from the car, I had yet to plug it in and decide where I was going to put it. I just had it in the middle of the floor and went to plug it in to see how much light it was going to give off...as I plugged it into the socket...every electronic device in my apartment went off...the TV, all the clocks, the light I had on...all just black. So I had to call the office of my apartment and figured I could just find out if I had to flip a switch or what...but no, the generous landlord said he would come fix it himself and for me not to worry about it!  Hurruh!  My apartment smells like poop, I have two illegal dogs in here and the living room is scattered with random dog toys, puppy pads and bones. Great.... I tried to hide the chihuahua's in my bedroom with Chloe, kicked as many toys and bones as possible in with them, Febreezed as well as I could and waited for Matthew.   Long story as short as possible, Matthew came up, flipped a switch behind my refrigerator, and left...no comment on the poop smell or the mysterious random pitched dog barks coming from the bedroom.  Phew...that was the turning point...things started to look up from there...and have continued.  And now, since it is technically a new day (12:31am) I can know when I wake up, it will still be a good one!

Day in Review - Updates, Dog Baths and Rainy Days

Wow. First I want to say, I don't think I can top yesterday's post.  It was, by far, the most successful ever.  Thank You's and Shout Out's to all the readers out there.

I wanted to update everyone on some recent developments:
First, I wanted to let everyone know, I found out my parking ticket was reversed! Justice prevailed and shone down on me from the City of Cleveland. Now the funny thing about this is I got the letter, read through it, jumped up and down in excitement a few times then read it again...It said....

"Hearing Examiner (name omitted for his protection) has gathered sufficient information to conclude the parking meter at which this ticket was issued was not in proper working condition. For this reason the ticket is reversed..."

No I am not complaining in any way, shape or form, but THE METER WAS NOT BROKEN!!!!!  It was your insufficient METER MAID who can't take the time of day to double check before they write out tickets!!!!

Now that I have gotten that out of my system and can cancel my trip to the Supreme Court of the United States of America, my second update is concerning the post I wrote yesterday about the penis picture. As I explained, I had sent the gentleman (AKA loser freak) a message saying I was not interested in seeing him.  I got a response from him today.  It simply said "So that's it?????"   I felt no response was in order.

My third update, though not really an update, is just another funny thing I said to my dog today.  It is rainy today, snow is melting and since dog owners in my neighborhood can't seem to pick up their dog's poop when they go, there are piles of this poop scattered around the grassy areas where any smart dog would like to do their business.  My snow, white little girl Chloe Darlene decided to high tail it after an errant bird today and ran through a pile of poo that seriously looked like it was from a cow or possibly small elephant. Her two snowy white front paws were covered! I made her walk through the snow for a few minutes to get as much off as possible, but they were still a "brown mustard" yellow color.  I brought her back into the apartment and started running the water in the sink to clean her off.  She struggled against me and I said quite loudly..."Well, if you hadn't stepped in poop, this wouldn't be happening now!"  It was then that I heard my new neighbor close the door....

Everyone seems blah today for some reason. I know it's rainy in Cleveland today, but it can't possibly be raining everywhere, so I won't blame it on that. A Tuesday after a Holiday perhaps?  I am a bit blah today myself, but I would like to give you a minute or two of laughs if you can handle it....this video made me cry I was laughing so hard.  I believe it is from the "3rd Annual Sister Sarah Palin Retirement Home for Tea Baggers Talent Show", but I may be wrong....




On that note, I am going to watch "Pretty in Pink".