Day in Review - An Open Letter to the City of Cleveland

Dear City of Cleveland,

I would like to start this letter by saying one thing:  I should not have to be forced to wear a sports bra while driving through the downtown area.  The potholes in the city are out of control.

Each day, I drive downtown. Specifically in the Warehouse District. Each day, I fear for the life of my vehicle due to the land mine type maze of potholes on the street. I have a 4-wheel drive SUV.  Yes, it bottomed out today in the humongous crater in the intersection of St. Clair and East 3rd. If I was driving a golf cart or a child's big wheel, I would expect such motions. A large car should not be bouncing around like popcorn in a popper. In the short drive from East 9th to East 3rd, I fully believed I had lost all 4 hubcaps due to the bumps and holes in the road.  Short of playing bumper cars and weaving in and out of lanes on St. Clair,  the potholes are unavoidable. I do not want to have to trade my car in for a Mars Rover.

In addition to possible damage to the body of my vehicle, my physical body is also experiencing distress while driving in the downtown area of our fair city. Though I am an average sized woman with average sized boobs, the repetitive motion of bouncing up and down in the potholes is causing said boobs to also bounce. Yes, I wear good quality brassieres like any sensible woman should. I also wear my seat belt at all times, yet find myself bouncing from the seat. This is painful for women and also for men who may be overweight and have "man boobs", also known as "moobs", and "man jugs".

Coincidentally, today, as I was driving, I also had to use the ladies room and the pain and pressure in my bladder as I bounced was far from satisfactory. I am sure you have been in similar situations where you have to use the bathroom and know what feeling I am referencing. Do I have to now make sure I have a sports bra and some Depends as I drive through the city streets? Bladder leakage is never funny and it is even less funny when caused by potholes.

In conclusion, I simply ask that you make some sort of effort to repair the holes in the city streets. I understand there are financial considerations to think about, but perhaps you could have a bake sale or sell Malley's candy bars. I would buy a cupcake...especially if you have chocolate ones available. You could also write out more parking tickets and hope people don't notice that their meters still have time left. Another way to do that is to put fake signs up saying "Park Here" in "No Parking Zones". Those tickets are $25 a pop. That can add up quickly. You would have extra money in no time. 

If I can be of assistance in any more fundraiser ideas, please contact me. I also have a good idea in regards to a bachelor auction. We could call it "Potential Partners for the Prevention of Potholes"

Sincerely,
Confessionista