Now that you know where I am coming from and the difficultly we Singletons have out there, I have a confession that I want to share...I had hope with this one. Yes. I met a man. I liked this man. He did it all right at first. No pressure, he was a gentleman. There was no mention of his penis. The first date was great. I immediately felt a connection with him. We laughed, we poked fun at each other talked about what we wanted in the future. For the first time in probably a year, I actually felt some real potential on a date. I didn't even blog about it because I didn't find anything wrong with him whatsoever!
It wasn't simply that feeling of "I will go on a 2nd date and see how it goes", it was "I want a 2nd date and a 3rd and a 4th and a 5th and on and on and on". It was one of the best 1st dates I have been on. Like I said...I had hope....
Then the shit hit the fan...
2nd date was planned. I was very excited. So excited, in fact, I accepted the invitation from my mom to take me shopping for a new shirt. (She may have had ulterior motives though and wanted to drive around in her new Caddie...yes, "Sarah and Todd" got rid of the Jeep and replaced it with a Cadillac. It is a luxurious ride.) I got a beautiful new sweater (since it is still in the 50's here in CLE!!!!) in the perfect color blue to make my eyes look more gorgeous than they normally do. (I should write some poetry today...I seem to be in a rhyming mood) I did my hair nice, great make-up, looked good. It was really one of those moments where you look in the mirror and think...Wow! Who is that hottie? Oh! It's me!
All I had to do was wait for the call from my guy...we will call him John. We were supposed to do lunch, but he sent me a text asking to move it to dinner. Fine with me! You know, I am easy going. I can totally deal with those types of spontaneous changes. So I waited....and I waited....and waited...I finally took my new sweater off and slipped into my sweats. 8:00pm at this point and yes...I can admit...I was stood up.
By 9:00pm I had several texts from him. Long story short he said his phone broke, he would never, ever stand someone up. He really likes me, thinks this could really be a long term relationship and can't begin to say how sorry he is for not getting in touch with me sooner. After a few quick texts with my mom and a friend, I agreed to see him again. I will give someone the benefit of the doubt....one time....no more. (<---a lesson John learned today)
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| Is it really broken? Read on... |
We talked on the phone all week. (Both of us had very busy schedules last week, so we planned to meet today, for lunch. Today's lunch date has been planned since the weekend.) Conversation was wonderful, we really connected and were getting to know each other. Like clock-work he would text every morning, again at night. We generally had some sort of conversation mid afternoon each day. It was admittedly awesome!
Then day broke on Wednesday, April 27th, 2011. (Today, if you aren't looking at a calendar) My morning text didn't come...I sent one instead around 9:30am....and waited....I called at 10:30am....no answer (not right to voicemail either, which means the phone was not turned off...remember this fact for later, Gumshoes)...so I waited. I logged onto the website I had met him on. It shows him as active in the past 5 minutes. (What??? Why isn't he responding to my text??) I sent him a message on the website. (For the record, I also had the option to chat with him since he was currently online)
The message said:
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| Press it... |
4 comments:
I know I have been in your position before. The guy didn't say he broke his phone but there are lots of excuses guys have used before. When I stop being lazy, I am going to write a book of stories from all of my internet dating. I am taking this opportunity to offer you the chance to be a part of my book. This story among others fit with the themes I have planned.
Lastly, I want to say that you can ask my boyfriend - there are guys out there who WANT and NEED independent women. I thought I was extremely independent but when I found a guy who wanted an independent woman, sometimes, well I just become a crazy clingy girlfriend. It's weird how psychology works. Please go to my blog (WomanlyWoman.com) and click on one of the books I recommend in the left column. There are at least three of them that seriously helped me when I was at your stage of the game. I'm not any more advanced by having a boyfriend, I'm just in a different spot. God only knows if he might dump me tomorrow and I'll be back in your position. What I did learn by transitioning to the serious dating phase was that it happened because I stopped trying to hunt down a guy and let a guy hunt me. It happened by accident, I was just kind of feeling lazy and sick of trying. I was worn down in a sense and had developed a serious set of standards. When he sought me out, called me everytime, always answered, always responded to texts, never made up stories, and met all my requirements (well most of them) I couldn't believe it. It took a year of me dating the guy to believe it was even real because I'd been through what you'd been through. You won't have to be a lipstick lesbian (unless you want to be) because there is a guy out there that will seek you out. He'll respect you, think you are funny, and he'll be the one to initiate and follow through on the additional dates. He'll want to spend all of his free time with you and he'll ditch his friends a few times (without telling you) to hang out with you instead.
So this guy may have seemed fun to you, but the guy you want is the one that is thinking those types of thoughts you were having about him about YOU... maybe even before you think them about him. You won't have to text him, he'll text you first. You won't have to call him, he'll break the supposed dating rules to call you. He won't log onto his personal ad again except to remove it from the site and forfeit the $25-50 investment. Having you will be more valuable.
I personally found that when I relinquished control of my dating game and gave it to God, that the rest became history. One of the guys I went on a date with just before meeting my boyfriend even TOOK ME TO DINNER just to tell me how wonderful, sweet, fun and nice I was but that we weren't a good fit. He was the perfect version of your imperfect guy who wasn't interested. He was almost business-like in describing in detail specific reasons we were a mismatch but that I was a valuable and interesting person who was a perfect fit for someone else. It felt like a job performance review where I was being asked to resign but was OK with it.
Well, I've written nearly an entire blog post so I'm going to TTyL!
Liz, you are right on all you say! I too am writing a book, though more of a fiction based on fact about my dating debacles.
My friend Laurel just said the other day we need to stop being on the prowl and let the guys come to us. I am just restless...feel like I waited too long to get serious about it and now that I want it, I am running out of time.
From what I know from my lesbian friends, girls are just as psycho as guys, maybe even more so, lol, so I may consider starting my cat collection. I am just not sure Chloe would appreciate it.
Ha! I'm serious though - go to my blog and check out the books I recommend. The ones about dating definitely taught me how to not be the one pursuing, but allowed me to be myself (an independent woman).
Christa, I recommend travel. Pack it in and move somewhere else. Dublin, Barcelona, Athens...accept only lovers in their 40s, 50s, or early 60s and no I'm not kidding. You are too much woman for these juveniles. Our culture no longer produces men. I am, unfortunately, the last of the great ones. Hee Hee Hee
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