Day in Review - Festivus...It's Time to Air the Grievances

Happy Festivus to You and Yours...Have you aired your grievances?  I am about to air mine.  Festivus is that magical time of year where you can tell everyone else how much they have disappointed you over the past year.  It's like a free pass to let the bitchiness out that has been plaguing your inner soul for the past twelve months. It is a time to be honest with those you hate  love tolerate.  So, without further ado...I will air my grievances...

To the dog that lives downstairs...or used to live downstairs - I don't know your name.  I don't know if you are a male or female. If I saw you in a line-up I am not sure I could pick you out (unless you barked). I have seen you and your owner from afar but I have never met you in person. Each time you bark a piece of my sanity disappears forever. When I hear the pitch of your bark it is like a million tiny daggers stabbing my very being. You have caused me to stomp on the floor like a child in the throws of a temper tantrum, you have made me yell allowed to get the frustration out, you have pushed me to storm down the stairs in ugly purple sweat pants and a pair of socks with a hole in it in an attempt to stop your barking...but it never stopped.  It was just bark, bark, bark...at 7am and 5 pm.  If I was lucky, that was it...if not, it happened at happy intervals throughout the day. Bark, bark, bark.  Bark, bark, bark. Bark, bark, bark.

To Blackberry - You were in my Airing of the Grievances last year and once again, you have made an appearance.  What in the HELL does that tell you?!??  I had to struggle through 11 months of using a shitty phone that dropped calls, froze consistently throughout the a day, that restarted whenever it felt like it and that was just a thorn in my side. I told you last year if you didn't shape up I was done.  I am now loving my iPhone.

To the Kardashian's - Why are you on TV again?  All I ask is for one full day without hearing your name.  I don't think it has happened yet. I don't place all the blame on you but on the American obsession of watching train wrecks. By the way, please explain why Kim's marriage is a legitimate union but my friend cannot legally marry the man that he loves.

To the Republican Presidential Candidates - I have to admit, I enjoy watching you debate...it really enhances the buzz I have going on from the bottle of wine I have to drink in order to listen to the garbage that pours forth from your mouths. I don't hate or disrespect Republicans...I don't agree with them. I believe that it should always be a fair fight and we have a right to our difference of opinions....but....Really??  This is all you have???  The best of all your party?

To Congress - Sticking to my politics soapbox...each and every one of you...Republican, Democrat and Independents...you should be ASHAMED of yourselves. You should NOT have a job today. There are too many hardworking American's out there collecting unemployment or unable to even get unemployment because you can't work together to get this problem straightened up.  The only reason this country is in the shape it is at this point is because of YOU. 

To Harold Camping - Once again you have led innocent dumb asses to believe the world is going to end and once again you have been proven wrong. It may be time to stop making predictions and to work on  maybe getting those ears pinned back. "Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves." Matthew 7:15

To Princess Beatrice - Your hat ruined the royal wedding. It distracted the world from William, Kate and most importantly, Pippa.

To my Meth Lab neighbor - For many months of 2011 my poor dog, random dates and myself had to suffer through the smell that emanated  from your apartment. I gagged, I had to explain what the smell was and I went through cases of air freshener spraying down the hallway.  Now that you have bought your new Kia Rondo I have noticed you have stopped making meth.  I am proud of you. I know it can be hard to make car payments. I would like to ask for 2012 that you remember that it is not appropriate to slam your door four times in a row each time you run your meth supplies down to the dumpster in the garage.

Day in Review - Why I am Still Single - Part 2

No introduction needed for this blog post. If you have read this blog, you may be familiar with my ranting about penis pictures and how men treat women during dating.  If you need a refresher, or just a laugh, you can catch up on a previous dating experience here: Why I am Still Single and the Bridget Jones Rhetoric

Now that you know where I am coming from and the difficultly we Singletons have out there, I have a confession that I want to share...I had hope with this one.  Yes.  I met a man. I liked this man. He did it all right at first. No pressure, he was a gentleman. There was no mention of his penis. The first date was great. I immediately felt a connection with him. We laughed, we poked fun at each other talked about what we wanted in the future. For the first time in probably a year, I actually felt some real potential on a date. I didn't even blog about it because I didn't find anything wrong with him whatsoever!

It wasn't simply that feeling of "I will go on a 2nd date and see how it goes", it was "I want a 2nd date and a 3rd and a 4th and a 5th and on and on and on". It was one of the best 1st dates I have been on. Like I said...I had hope....

Then the shit hit the fan...

2nd date was planned.  I was very excited. So excited, in fact, I accepted the invitation from my mom to take me shopping for a new shirt. (She may have had ulterior motives though and wanted to drive around in her new Caddie...yes, "Sarah and Todd" got rid of the Jeep and replaced it with a Cadillac. It is a luxurious ride.)  I got a beautiful new sweater (since it is still in the 50's here in CLE!!!!) in the perfect color blue to make my eyes look more gorgeous than they normally do. (I should write some poetry today...I seem to be in a rhyming mood)  I did my hair nice, great make-up, looked good.  It was really one of those moments where you look in the mirror and think...Wow!  Who is that hottie?  Oh! It's me!

All I had to do was wait for the call from my guy...we will call him John. We were supposed to do lunch, but he sent me a text asking to move it to dinner.  Fine with me! You know, I am easy going. I can totally deal with those types of spontaneous changes. So I waited....and I waited....and waited...I finally took my new sweater off and slipped into my sweats.  8:00pm at this point and yes...I can admit...I was stood up.

By 9:00pm I had several texts from him. Long story short he said his phone broke, he would never, ever stand someone up. He really likes me, thinks this could really be a long term relationship and can't begin to say how sorry he is for not getting in touch with me sooner. After a few quick texts with my mom and a friend, I agreed to see him again.  I will give someone the benefit of the doubt....one time....no more.  (<---a lesson John learned today)

Is it really broken?  Read on...

We talked on the phone all week.  (Both of us had very busy schedules last week, so we planned to meet today, for lunch.  Today's lunch date has been planned since the weekend.) Conversation was wonderful, we really connected and were getting to know each other. Like clock-work he would text every morning, again at night. We generally had some sort of conversation mid afternoon each day.  It was admittedly awesome!

Then day broke on Wednesday, April 27th, 2011. (Today, if you aren't looking at a calendar) My morning text didn't come...I sent one instead around 9:30am....and waited....I called at 10:30am....no answer (not right to voicemail either, which means the phone was not turned off...remember this fact for later, Gumshoes)...so I waited.  I logged onto the website I had met him on. It shows him as active in the past 5 minutes.  (What??? Why isn't he responding to my text??)  I sent him a message on the website.  (For the record, I also had the option to chat with him since he was currently online)

The message said:  

Are we not going to lunch today? I sent you some texts...phone broken again? If you don't want to go out with me, that's cool, but don't lead me on. I don't want to be a psycho bitch but when someone says they are going to go out with me, I expect them to follow through. I have to go downtown to meet a client for a quick 15 minutes...if I am meeting you, text me and let me know when and where.  If I am not meeting you, forget it. I don't have time for games.

I went downtown....and came back.  No message...until about 12:30pm...it was a text and said - "Hey, sorry, had to get a new phone on lunch. Broke it last night at work" 

It was at 12:30pm that my head exploded. 

Really?  Your phone broke? AGAIN?!?!?!??!  As many of you know, I am the most clumsy, accident prone individual in the world, and admittedly I have broken my Blackberry once...I can accept someone saying they broke their phone once....but twice?  In three weeks?  I do not believe it. I won't believe it. I won't be a little woman who is taken advantage of like that. After a series of texts, he has denied all fault in the situation. I told him to forget my number. 

So yes...I am 100% totally single yet again. It was nice to be kind of dating someone for a few weeks, but I don't date liars and I won't put up with someone taking advantage of me. Have I said that before? Yes...and I will keep saying it. Why in the hell do men think they can get away with this?  Are there too many women falling for it?  It's weird...I come from a line of pretty strong women. There is no way I could see the women in my family falling for it. Maybe I am too independent? Who knows.  All I do know is if you are a good man or have a good man, I salute you today. You are too few and far between.

So now I sit weighing the options:  single forever....converting to Catholicism and becoming a nun...lipstick lesbian...cat lady....I guess all of them could have their positives and negatives.  

By the way, I would just like to take this opportunity to say I feel Donald Trump should move to Alaska... 

Press it...

 

Day in Review - Festivus For the Rest of Us

It is December 23rd and I would like to wish everyone a Happy and Merry Festivus.

The Festivus pole is up, the meatloaf has been eaten (disguised as a really good hamburger) and now it is time for the Airing of Grievances.

To Congress - Though I will admit I praised you yesterday and earlier in the week, that was really only 5 days out of 365. You have disappointed me greatly. For much of this year, I found myself watching your actions in disgust. The bitching, moaning, fighting, disagreeing and incompetence on many issues was utterly nauseating. You sat there in your cozy, warm offices while millions of unemployed American's counted their dollars....then their pennies...then nothing...You held critical unemployment payments with your arguing while millions lost their homes and had to explain to their children why they couldn't eat tonight. You failed to pass the DREAM Act and could now send millions of children away from the only home and culture they have ever known.

To the cast of Jersey Shore - You have made American's dumb. You have embarrassed the New Jersey Coast and Italian Americans. You have introduced stupid slang words into the lexicon that have no real meaning.

To the Tea Party - Please...just go away.

To Lindsay Lohan - You are a train wreck...get it together so we can stop spending our time wondering when you are going to screw up again. Disappointing....

To Blackberry - You need to make your phones of a higher quality. I am on my third Blackberry since March of 2010 through no fault of my own. I love you, Blackberry, but I am disappointed in your performance this year. Please do better in 2011.

To Oprah - I am disappointed you are taking Discovery Health off of my TV. I still love ya' though! Your new network better be damn good.

To Sarah Palin - I am disappointed in all that comes from you. You have your soap box, you have your influence, yet you use it for evil. Please carry a dictionary around with you in 2011.

To Arizona - Your Immigration Law blows....

To Tiger Woods, Jesse James and allegedly Tony Parker - Cheating on your wife = failed career.

To the Westboro Baptist Church - God is watching you...and he is mad.