Day in Review - Festivus...It's Time to Air the Grievances

Happy Festivus to You and Yours...Have you aired your grievances?  I am about to air mine.  Festivus is that magical time of year where you can tell everyone else how much they have disappointed you over the past year.  It's like a free pass to let the bitchiness out that has been plaguing your inner soul for the past twelve months. It is a time to be honest with those you hate  love tolerate.  So, without further ado...I will air my grievances...

To the dog that lives downstairs...or used to live downstairs - I don't know your name.  I don't know if you are a male or female. If I saw you in a line-up I am not sure I could pick you out (unless you barked). I have seen you and your owner from afar but I have never met you in person. Each time you bark a piece of my sanity disappears forever. When I hear the pitch of your bark it is like a million tiny daggers stabbing my very being. You have caused me to stomp on the floor like a child in the throws of a temper tantrum, you have made me yell allowed to get the frustration out, you have pushed me to storm down the stairs in ugly purple sweat pants and a pair of socks with a hole in it in an attempt to stop your barking...but it never stopped.  It was just bark, bark, bark...at 7am and 5 pm.  If I was lucky, that was it...if not, it happened at happy intervals throughout the day. Bark, bark, bark.  Bark, bark, bark. Bark, bark, bark.

To Blackberry - You were in my Airing of the Grievances last year and once again, you have made an appearance.  What in the HELL does that tell you?!??  I had to struggle through 11 months of using a shitty phone that dropped calls, froze consistently throughout the a day, that restarted whenever it felt like it and that was just a thorn in my side. I told you last year if you didn't shape up I was done.  I am now loving my iPhone.

To the Kardashian's - Why are you on TV again?  All I ask is for one full day without hearing your name.  I don't think it has happened yet. I don't place all the blame on you but on the American obsession of watching train wrecks. By the way, please explain why Kim's marriage is a legitimate union but my friend cannot legally marry the man that he loves.

To the Republican Presidential Candidates - I have to admit, I enjoy watching you debate...it really enhances the buzz I have going on from the bottle of wine I have to drink in order to listen to the garbage that pours forth from your mouths. I don't hate or disrespect Republicans...I don't agree with them. I believe that it should always be a fair fight and we have a right to our difference of opinions....but....Really??  This is all you have???  The best of all your party?

To Congress - Sticking to my politics soapbox...each and every one of you...Republican, Democrat and Independents...you should be ASHAMED of yourselves. You should NOT have a job today. There are too many hardworking American's out there collecting unemployment or unable to even get unemployment because you can't work together to get this problem straightened up.  The only reason this country is in the shape it is at this point is because of YOU. 

To Harold Camping - Once again you have led innocent dumb asses to believe the world is going to end and once again you have been proven wrong. It may be time to stop making predictions and to work on  maybe getting those ears pinned back. "Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves." Matthew 7:15

To Princess Beatrice - Your hat ruined the royal wedding. It distracted the world from William, Kate and most importantly, Pippa.

To my Meth Lab neighbor - For many months of 2011 my poor dog, random dates and myself had to suffer through the smell that emanated  from your apartment. I gagged, I had to explain what the smell was and I went through cases of air freshener spraying down the hallway.  Now that you have bought your new Kia Rondo I have noticed you have stopped making meth.  I am proud of you. I know it can be hard to make car payments. I would like to ask for 2012 that you remember that it is not appropriate to slam your door four times in a row each time you run your meth supplies down to the dumpster in the garage.

Day in Review - "Hearts and Butterflies"

A lot of things going on today in the country. Start of the 112th Congress, shooting at a school in Nebraska, hostages held in Arizona, factory explosion in Tennessee...more dead birds falling from the sky. Insanity....all of this can really bring you down, so when I start feeling down I try to focus on other things. Please note I am definitely not making light of any of these things or saying they don't matter. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a huge news hound. I am always watching or checking the news, but sometimes it does get depressing. I just want to focus on the lighter side of life today...



Still no word on my parking ticket...I will definitely keep everyone posted!

I received another mystery scratch on my arm...I noticed it when I woke up and felt pain on forearm...I remember the dream...scary stuff. I will really need to figure this out. Anyone know any dream experts? This one is smaller than the one on my hand, but deeper it seems. It hurts more too! I surely could have done it myself this time, but I since it was in my dream, I am going with my ghost/psychosis/dreams coming to life theory.





I took the picture above...it always makes me happy. My mother pointed out she grew the flowers, so I want to give a shout out to her and her green thumb.



"Butterflies and Hearts"

Have you ever thought about toilet paper? Now come on...we all use it. There is not one person reading this that has never used toilet paper in one way or the other. Toilet paper actually got me into a lot of trouble in my high school days when I used it to decorate my friend Abby's house...I still may be banned from entering the property in fact. Though I have snuck in a few times, I can't say that the "TP Incident of 1997" was ever really out of all our minds.




This afternoon I was changing the roll of toilet paper in my bathroom and just happened to notice there were little hearts on the paper. Seriously toilet paper manufacturers? What is the point of hearts on toilet paper!?! Just purely decorative?












You can also see, in my new package of toilet paper, this one is printed with beautiful butterflies and swirls of happiness.



Seriously...when I think of toilet paper, the last thing I personally think about are hearts and butterflies moving around in swirls of happiness. How are hearts and butterflies related to toilet paper? Maybe a better question is how are hearts and butterflies related to going to the bathroom? I get the quilted toilet paper...soft, quilted areas that are supposed to bring comfort during your business. I do not understand hearts and butterflies. Do you have the answer? Please let me know!

UPDATE: We may have an answer on the toilet paper conundrum. An old and good friend of mine, Elisha has suggested this: "Well maybe toilet paper companies are owned by tea partiers. Think about it: hearts, butterflies, etc evoke images of everything good: love, nature, tranquility...And what do you do with it: wipe your a**."


I want to shamelessly plug a few things today too.

I need more Twitter followers! If you are on Twitter, give me a follow! Christamarie123. I am constantly tweeting witty remarks (or totally boring/stupid things depending on your opinion)

I also want to plug this great new website I am helping with. http://libetisocial.com/. You can join the discussion here: http://libetisocial.com/question.

Also a HUGE thank you to everyone who reads this blog. It has TRIPLED it's readership in the past month. I am very thankful for you all, for all the messages and tweets (even the ones who accuse me of being mean to the Republicans and Tea Party) and the support of everyone. If you want to hear my opinion on anything, let me know! I will write about it!

Also working on a new article that should be published to Yahoo! soon on Green Jobs in Cleveland...the question...are there Green jobs in the rust belt? Yes!

Day in Review - Festivus For the Rest of Us

It is December 23rd and I would like to wish everyone a Happy and Merry Festivus.

The Festivus pole is up, the meatloaf has been eaten (disguised as a really good hamburger) and now it is time for the Airing of Grievances.

To Congress - Though I will admit I praised you yesterday and earlier in the week, that was really only 5 days out of 365. You have disappointed me greatly. For much of this year, I found myself watching your actions in disgust. The bitching, moaning, fighting, disagreeing and incompetence on many issues was utterly nauseating. You sat there in your cozy, warm offices while millions of unemployed American's counted their dollars....then their pennies...then nothing...You held critical unemployment payments with your arguing while millions lost their homes and had to explain to their children why they couldn't eat tonight. You failed to pass the DREAM Act and could now send millions of children away from the only home and culture they have ever known.

To the cast of Jersey Shore - You have made American's dumb. You have embarrassed the New Jersey Coast and Italian Americans. You have introduced stupid slang words into the lexicon that have no real meaning.

To the Tea Party - Please...just go away.

To Lindsay Lohan - You are a train wreck...get it together so we can stop spending our time wondering when you are going to screw up again. Disappointing....

To Blackberry - You need to make your phones of a higher quality. I am on my third Blackberry since March of 2010 through no fault of my own. I love you, Blackberry, but I am disappointed in your performance this year. Please do better in 2011.

To Oprah - I am disappointed you are taking Discovery Health off of my TV. I still love ya' though! Your new network better be damn good.

To Sarah Palin - I am disappointed in all that comes from you. You have your soap box, you have your influence, yet you use it for evil. Please carry a dictionary around with you in 2011.

To Arizona - Your Immigration Law blows....

To Tiger Woods, Jesse James and allegedly Tony Parker - Cheating on your wife = failed career.

To the Westboro Baptist Church - God is watching you...and he is mad.

Day in Review - Congress Out!

Insane day if you are at all interested in what is going on in the US today. Sad news, happy news, something hilarious that made me laugh damn near all day...

Still have my hand scratch, by the way...I also noticed another little cut on my hand too. I may just be paranoid about that one though.

"Chicago Heartbreak" - Really sad story broke this morning. Two Chicago firefighters were killed and 17 injured when a rather routine call turned deadly. According to CNN, in the course of fighting the fire, the firefighters were doing a good deed and looking for any homeless people in the abandoned building that was ablaze. The roof of the building crashed down upon them. This is a heartbreaking tragedy and my thoughts and prayers go out to their friends and family. Wishing the injured a speedy recovery.

"Congress Out" - The 111th Congress adjourned today for the year. Before leaving, however, they passed the 9/11 first responders health bill. Bravo to them! They also passed the START treaty today. Though I have been known to yell and swear at C-SPAN on occasion, I am a fan of Congress these past few days.

"McMillionaire" - This is awesome! A man who has been unemployed for 18 months won the million dollar prize from the McDonald's Monopoly game! Personally, I am glad someone who is unemployed won....I would have been royally pissed off if some Wall Street trader won the big prize. They can win the free fries.

As for the laughing all day...Huffington Post today put out their take on the end of the world in 2012. As I'm sure you all know, the Mayan Calendar says the world will end on December 21,2012. While I was taking a break from building my bomb shelter this afternoon, I saw the Number 1 reason the world will really end in 2012....Sarah Palin becomes President of the United States. Now this is hilarious on it's own accord, but the REALLY funny thing is I posted this on my Twitter account soon after - Lovin' @HuffingtonPost! Number 1 way the world will end in 2012...Sarah Palin becoming President...You Betcha!

I thought it was funny....

One of my Twitter followers did not....

Sent me a little nasty-gram....

It said...(I am keeping the spelling errors and grammar)

Sarah Palin will be the savior of this county. pEople like you will swallow your words. yo'll see. How dare you say this about Sarah.

This person promptly stopped following me. I have two things to say about this...

1. I feel if someone does and says idiotic things in public they open themselves up to public scrutiny. As an American citizen, I have the right to share my opinion as well. My opinion just happens to be that she is an idiot. I respect your opinion if you think she is the bee's knees, but there is about a 0% chance you will ever hear me change my opinion on this. If you would like to blog and tweet about how wonderful you think she is, go for it. I won't stop you and I won't send you nasty-grams

2. If you are going to present yourself as someone I should pay attention to and possibly share and debate thoughts and ideals, for the love of GOD, at least spell things correctly and use some sort of grammatical structure! It doesn't have to be PhD, academic grammar, but at least conversational grammar. You look like an ignoramus! (Look it up...Webster's Dictionary...Under "I")


On that note...I have to set up my Festivus pole...

Day in Review - Monday, Monday...

Happy Monday!

In typical Monday fashion, I broke two nails today and one of my headlights is out in my car. I also dealt with a Great Dane/Boxer dog escaping on my watch this afternoon. Luckily she came right back when I called her name. Let's be honest though...the dog weighs more than I do, so what was I supposed to do about it?

"The Man Deserves Medieval Torture"

This ameoba named Phillip Greaves was finally arrested today in Colorado on a warrant from Florida after publishing a book called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover's Code of Conduct". Now you may remember this from about a month ago when the book was pulled by Amazon.com where he was trying to sell it. If there is any modern day person who deserves Medieval torture like the rack and the pear.


"Shout out to Congress"

Thank you to Congress for passing the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" this weekend. One step closer towards equality for all. A person's sexuality has nothing to do with how well they can serve the country. Though I often can be heard describing the works of Congress as similar to an elementary school play ground, I take it back, (for today only, likely) and thank you for doing something good, decent and letting millions of American's who have been told they cannot reveal their true selves, have a voice.

"What Part of This Plan was Good?"

A Wisconsin postal carrier says he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his route . She had seemed "stressed out" so he thought he would do something to cheer her up. That sounds like a good gesture, right?

It would have been in most circumstances, actually, but this particular postal worker thought it would be a great idea to deliver her mail while nude...

My first thought on reading this story was "Nude? In Wisconsin? In December?"

Upon further review, the man told police, who obviously were called, that delivering mail while completely naked probably wasn't a good idea....

Day in Review - Exhaustion

I am exhausted...I am going to make this short!

Not an extreme news day....Congress is still fighting, Julian Assange was released on bail and Usher got kicked in the face by a fan...

"A Whole New Meaning of "Fire Crotch""

The best thing I saw today was this: Picture it...Fort Lauderdale, FL...a man named Sheldon Gonzales was sleeping on his couch...this is a totally true story, by the way...he feels some heat in his crotch area and opens his eyes. He sees his girlfriend Berlinda Dixon-Newbold standing right in front of him holding a cigarette lighter in his hands. He then realizes his shirt is burning! Yes...you guessed it! This crazy woman tried to light his crotch on fire!!! He was able to put the fire out by batting his..errr...area with his hands. Dixon-Newbold was arrested for aggravated assault after a neighbor called the police after hearing the couple fighting.

Now I love a good weenie made over an open fire, but this incident goes a little too far.



By the way, has anyone seen the commercial for "World's Best Cat Litter"? I have heard it in the background before, but never really watched it. The gist of the cat litter is that it is made from corn and very absorbent for your kitty's litter box. It apparently doesn't smell and it is very easy to scoop. HOWEVER....if you have seen the commercial, you may have been shocked when the two actors EAT the CAT LITTER!!!! They actually put "World's Best Cat Litter" into their mouths and swallow it! I get it is made of corn, but seriously...you are EATING CAT LITTER!!!



My little rant for the day...