Day in Review - Festivus...It's Time to Air the Grievances

Happy Festivus to You and Yours...Have you aired your grievances?  I am about to air mine.  Festivus is that magical time of year where you can tell everyone else how much they have disappointed you over the past year.  It's like a free pass to let the bitchiness out that has been plaguing your inner soul for the past twelve months. It is a time to be honest with those you hate  love tolerate.  So, without further ado...I will air my grievances...

To the dog that lives downstairs...or used to live downstairs - I don't know your name.  I don't know if you are a male or female. If I saw you in a line-up I am not sure I could pick you out (unless you barked). I have seen you and your owner from afar but I have never met you in person. Each time you bark a piece of my sanity disappears forever. When I hear the pitch of your bark it is like a million tiny daggers stabbing my very being. You have caused me to stomp on the floor like a child in the throws of a temper tantrum, you have made me yell allowed to get the frustration out, you have pushed me to storm down the stairs in ugly purple sweat pants and a pair of socks with a hole in it in an attempt to stop your barking...but it never stopped.  It was just bark, bark, bark...at 7am and 5 pm.  If I was lucky, that was it...if not, it happened at happy intervals throughout the day. Bark, bark, bark.  Bark, bark, bark. Bark, bark, bark.

To Blackberry - You were in my Airing of the Grievances last year and once again, you have made an appearance.  What in the HELL does that tell you?!??  I had to struggle through 11 months of using a shitty phone that dropped calls, froze consistently throughout the a day, that restarted whenever it felt like it and that was just a thorn in my side. I told you last year if you didn't shape up I was done.  I am now loving my iPhone.

To the Kardashian's - Why are you on TV again?  All I ask is for one full day without hearing your name.  I don't think it has happened yet. I don't place all the blame on you but on the American obsession of watching train wrecks. By the way, please explain why Kim's marriage is a legitimate union but my friend cannot legally marry the man that he loves.

To the Republican Presidential Candidates - I have to admit, I enjoy watching you debate...it really enhances the buzz I have going on from the bottle of wine I have to drink in order to listen to the garbage that pours forth from your mouths. I don't hate or disrespect Republicans...I don't agree with them. I believe that it should always be a fair fight and we have a right to our difference of opinions....but....Really??  This is all you have???  The best of all your party?

To Congress - Sticking to my politics soapbox...each and every one of you...Republican, Democrat and Independents...you should be ASHAMED of yourselves. You should NOT have a job today. There are too many hardworking American's out there collecting unemployment or unable to even get unemployment because you can't work together to get this problem straightened up.  The only reason this country is in the shape it is at this point is because of YOU. 

To Harold Camping - Once again you have led innocent dumb asses to believe the world is going to end and once again you have been proven wrong. It may be time to stop making predictions and to work on  maybe getting those ears pinned back. "Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves." Matthew 7:15

To Princess Beatrice - Your hat ruined the royal wedding. It distracted the world from William, Kate and most importantly, Pippa.

To my Meth Lab neighbor - For many months of 2011 my poor dog, random dates and myself had to suffer through the smell that emanated  from your apartment. I gagged, I had to explain what the smell was and I went through cases of air freshener spraying down the hallway.  Now that you have bought your new Kia Rondo I have noticed you have stopped making meth.  I am proud of you. I know it can be hard to make car payments. I would like to ask for 2012 that you remember that it is not appropriate to slam your door four times in a row each time you run your meth supplies down to the dumpster in the garage.