Day in Review - Barking and Shrieking

First..before I even start this post, I want to thank each and every person who is reading this.  Last week I hit 10,000 views on this blog.  That is HUGE to me and it makes me feel like it is worth writing (despite what past men have said).  Thank you so, so much.  In fact, as of the writing of this post, we are up to 11,000 plus views.  This is amazing and awesome. Thank You!!!!!!!

Now on to our regularly scheduled blog post.... 

This is the third week in the a row I have released an audible shriek during the final scene of "Glee".   (Don't judge me.) The shriek reminded me of something that has been going on in my apartment building. No, it is not the meth lab/garage door neighbor across the hall, this little problem is one that is directly below me.

Every weekday...anytime between 6:57am and 7:03am...I hear barking.  This is no ordinary barking.  This is the most annoying barking/howling combination that has ever met my ears. Luckily I wake up early or I would be even more pissed off than I currently am. The problem is, I tend to start work at 7am and it is very hard to write when you hear bark, bark, bark....bark, bark, bark....bark, bark, bark...bark, bark, bark....bark, bark, bark...bark, bark, bark...are you annoyed yet?  No?  bark, bark, bark...bark, bark, bark...bark, bark, bark...yes...it is a pattern...three barks and a pause.  This makes it even more annoying to me for some reason.  I don't like order or neatness so much. I like variety and three barks with a five second pause followed by three barks with a five second pause makes me insane. This has been going on for a few weeks now.  I actually suspect it has been going on throughout the summer, but since my air conditioning was on, I didn't hear it.


I did some research.  I can't help it, I am a researcher at heart.  There is actually a list of steps you are supposed to take when a dog is annoying and also several rules.  This first rule of dealing with a dog that barks uncontrollably is to remain anonymous.  There are (very surprisingly) several murders that have been committed by dog owners. These dog owners have murdered people who diss their dogs. Yes...MURDERED, which is why you are supposed to remain anonymous.  I knew the first rule was to remain anonymous and the first step was to write a simple, anonymous note. This note should be three to four sentences and politely slipped in their mailbox or under the door.

I wrote said note...it said "Your dog barks from 7am to 6pm. Please do something about the barking. It is not safe for the dog and it is very distracting."  I know...it is certainly not poetic, but this was the guidance I got from several websites and templates.  (You would be surprised by the vast amount of people who have dealt with this.  I was simply following the rules of "dog bark etiquette")  For almost two weeks, there was silence....

This past weekend it all changed.  Starting at 10am on Saturday til about 7pm all I heard was barking.  I know it was the weekend, but I still shouldn't have to deal with this noise! Sunday was identical.  Monday, the barking began at 6:58am. Today, it began at 7:01am.  (Yes, I have been tracking)

The second step, according to several websites I saw, was to write a second note.  This one should be more in depth and again, you should remain anonymous so you don't get murdered and should be totally disconnected from the first (so it seems like more than one person is writing).  My second note was slipped under the door today.  It said - "We have noticed that your dog is barking on an daily basis. As dog lovers, we are extremely worried that your dog is experiencing stress, which is not healthy. Additionally, the barking is distracting to the neighbors and our own dogs are stressed out as well since they can hear your dog. We would ask that you take steps to stop your dog from barking. Unfortunately, if you do not control your dog, we will be forced to contact the apartment management for further advice on this matter."  (We = my across the hall neighbor.  He has been "anti-dog barking" too. Furthermore, this is not the meth lab neighbor, but the other guy across the hall)  Fingers crossed that the note works.  I will certainly keep you updated.

Breaking news....as I am writing this, I just heard a strange noise in the hall...I looked out of the peep hole and my meth lab neighbor was spraying air freshener throughout the hallway.  Seriously...he looked like a soldier walking up and down...spray, spray, spray, spray, spray, spray.  Instead of time to make the donuts....well...who knows what he makes in there.  I can vouch that it smells awful.

Not my neighbor, but it is appropriate in this case...

Sorry for that message, but I felt that it was worth mentioning especially if you are a follower of the blog.

I do have an announcement to close this post. If you follow me on Twitter or you are my Facebook friend, you may have seen a special announcement that I have a second blog.  It is nothing like this one.  The new blog is called "The Flip Side" and will be much more serious, likely much more liberal and much more spiritual and  poetic. It will certainly not be for everyone who reads "Confessions of a Girl". If you think you may like "The Flip Side", I invite you to read it as it get's updated. "Confessions of a Girl" will continue as it is...random thoughts, random events, and I daresay, making fun of men I meet online, though I have given up on love (much to my mom's chagrin) I envision "The Flip Side" to be less about me and more about things that mean something to me including poetry, people, events and spirituality. 

Week in Review - Exciting Stuff, My CNN Behind the Scenes Moment and Smelly Neighbors

I was way excited this week when I was mentioned in a "Behind the Scenes" video on CNN for a great Tweet I sent to the amazingly awesome Brooke Baldwin. Now I have definitely mentioned Brooke in this blog before and I am sure I will again, but just want to thank her for talking about my excellent taste in music (She's right! :) We like a lot of the same music. I would definitely pay money to just get a glance at her MP3 player. If I was ever really motivated to take a music tour of the US following awesome bands, I would absolutely ask her to come with me.).  If you want to check it out, the video is here: Christa mentioned in WeekWinddown   It is about 2:30 on the video if you don't want to watch the whole thing. I am assuming I will really be on her show in the flesh one day when my novel gets published and everyone loves it.  (Positive thinking peeps....it works...read on....) I try to have her show on every day - 3-5pm EDT.  Check it out on CNN. 

Another excellent thing that has happened is I have signed on, FULL FREAKIN' TIME as a writer for a communications firm.  I have been very busy writing articles and the work is fun.  It keeps my attention, it is different every day and most of all, it is steady work.  On top of this, I have been hired for a month long project for an Australian company writing articles for them, so you will have to excuse me if you notice misspellings like "energise" instead of "energize". (This is also why I am home writing a blog post on Saturday night...I had to work!) It is nice for everything to fall into place like this.  I am very thankful for it all. Though I have had pretty steady work writing e-Books and articles for other websites, it wasn't always as steady as I would have liked, so this is amazing.

Speaking of being thankful, I want to say how thankful I am as well for my friends.  I have been lucky enough the past few weeks to have seen a few college friends in addition to re-connecting with the friend I spoke of in my last post.  One may have given me mono and another may have given me a new perspective on life, but that's what friends are for, right? 

Let's talk about my neighbor for a minute...this particular neighbor is the one who slams the door 17,000 times per day and who has the mysterious smell coming from his apartment that may or may not be a meth lab.  It should be mentioned that I do not live in a neighborhood where meth labs are prevalent.  I live in the "Gold Coast" area of Lakewood, if anyone is familiar.  I feel very safe here, love the diversity and have never  seen or heard of a major crime of any kind even remotely near me. Honestly, I have no idea what this smell is...it is like no smell I have ever had the displeasure of smelling in my life. I don't know what meth labs typically smell like, so it could technically be anything, but I would bet $5 something illegal is going on in there. Today, I was sitting on my couch with my laptop at 7:30am writing about how to get your baby to sleep when I noticed this horrible smell was lightly seeping in. (Yes...I know I only have a dog and a few plants. I  have little to no experience with babies...though in my defense I was able to grow two little mini tomatoes and Chloe is almost 6 years old...that has to count for something)

I don't know if he likes to make meth at 7:30 am on a Saturday or what, but I opened the door to take Chloe outside for a little walk and I gagged because the smell was so noxious and offensive. I don't know that it has ever been so bad as it was this morning.  Honestly, I have no idea what the smell is, all I know is it is nasty beyond belief.  To make things even more mysterious, there is something alive in that apartment...I hear it's cries...at first I thought it was a cat, but after hearing it a few times...that sound is like no other cat I have heard before.  Seriously, I almost wonder if it is a monkey of some kind.  It almost sounds like a baby (human, not cat), but not a baby, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

Are You My Neighbor????

As an animal/monkey/sometimes human lover, I now feel it is my duty to help whatever creature may be in there to safety, so I am going to try to talk to my landlord about it.  Now that the smell is actually coming into my apartment, I am going to take offense. There is, however, another reason for my vendetta against this neighbor.....

I stopped at Subway today for a $5 foot long. I love Subway because they are reasonably healthy and where else can you get lunch and dinner for $5? Anyway, I pulled into the driveway of my building to get into my garage and I see my neighbor's car in front of me. (We park near each other in the garage, so I know his little Toyota). Oh wait....I need to preface this story first...I drive an SUV....he drives an older Corolla.  There is a definite size difference between our cars...this will be important in a moment) Now to get into the garage, there is a key you must use. Since he was already at the key stand, I simply pulled up behind him to enter the garage. To close the garage, soon after you enter, there is a pull-string you use to close the garage. I see him reach out to pull the string....except ALERT, ALERT, ALERT...my car is right behind his, directly under the garage door! At this point, it definitely goes all "slo mo" and I hear BANG on my roof as the garage door comes down on my car.  I beep the horn and start yelling "MOVE UP! MOVE UP!" BANG on my car. Honk again, BANG on my car. I see his car door opening, BANG on my car.  He leans out and looks behind him, BANG on my car.  I start screaming at him to move forward, BANG on my car. Finally the imbecile moves forward and gets out of his car.  I also move forward and immediately get out of my car, climb up in the door frame and look at the top where it was SMASHED by the garage door.  There were no dents, just paint and rubber marks from the bottom of the door. I finally turn to him and this is the conversation we had:

Him - "Wow.  Um...I didn't see you there" (Remember, I have an SUV, he has a small Toyota!!!!)
Me - "How could you not see me?  I was yelling and beeping my horn at you!"
Him - "I am really sorry....um, is your car OK?"
Me- "Well it looks OK, but I will probably want to have it checked by a professional" (Meaning have my dad look at it, who is NOT a car professional)
Him - "I'm sorry, it's not like you don't know where I live if something is wrong, (Maniacal laughter from him) I will take care of it. I had a medical procedure yesterday and I am a little out of it"
Me - (In a higher octave) "Then you shouldn't be driving!!!!"
Him - "I know.  I just went to CVS.  I am really sorry.  I will take care of it if there is damage." (Mind you, CVS is directly across the street.  I walk there all the time)
Me - "Yes.  I will let you know."

I got into my car at that point and drove to my parking spot.

A few hours later, I got this note under my door:

"Dear Resident: The rollers on the garage door entrance have snapped off.  The garage door company has been alerted, and will stop by to see what parts they need....."

The letter goes on about the door being fixed on Monday and to call the Management office if you have any questions.

I crumbled it up, threw it away and went back to writing about baby sleep schedules.

Have an awesome weekend.

PS - By the way, my dad is celebrating his birthday tomorrow (8/21) so wish Jim/Todd a Happy Birthday.  I have been  looking for a funny card for him (a little tradition between us).  I finally found one today that made me not only laugh out loud, I almost peed my pants.

Day in Review - I Wonder What the Neighbors Think....

Cold and snowy day in Cleveland. I got about 6 inches of snow at my place. The poor dog is having a heck of a time going "potty" outside.  Luckily she has big ears, so I was able to see her when she fell in some sort of random divot today.  She is Ok, don't worry. She did have to have a sweater change though.

Walking dogs in the snow is tough.  I walked two today, in addition to my own, both big, furry and loving the snow on the ground. After I fell for the 2nd time, I said hell with it and came home. Now my ass hurts, but I am warm, comfortable and there is no snow in here. This is just a warning about karma....I laughed at my mom for falling yesterday, so of course, today, I fall twice.

Speaking of dogs...and attempting to not sound too insane, I was thinking today about how much I talk to my dog. I always say good morning to her when she wakes up, I ask her if she wants to go outside and if she wants to eat. She always comes into the bathroom with me and we have deep conversations about life (That's a joke...I don't spend that long in the bathroom)....

Just off the top of my head today I told her how harebrained I think Sarah Palin is, I told her it is was very snowy and cold out, I told her to stop licking the carpet (she has an obsessive-compulsive thing where she walks around the whole house licking rugs and the carpet on the floor), I told her she absolutely could not take her Platypus outside with her (She had her favorite toy, "Platty" in her mouth as we were walking out the door) and I had to take my calcium because it is good for my bones (She was begging, thinking it was a treat).

Now am I the only one who does this? Should I seek professional assistance?  This led me to wonder if my neighbors can hear the one-sided conversation that goes on in my apartment...do they hear random snippets as I am standing by the door?

"No! You can't take your platypus!"  - Possibly the first time this sentence has been said in the history of the world.

Platty the Platypus

"STOP LICKING THE CARPET!!"  - I don't even want to know what they are thinking on that one...

"ARRGHHHHH  What are you thinking, Sarah Palin?!?!?!?" - Obviously this sentence has been written many times in the history of the world.

"Wolf Blitzer is a cute guy!" - Sue me...I have some kind of old man crush on Wolf...

"HA HA HA HA HA HA" - Me TOTALLY laughing out loud with a huge guffaw at a movie the other night ("Sorority Boys"...it was hilarious....check it out if you have the chance).

So looking at these independent quotes, it does make me wonder what the neighbors think...luckily there is no one across the hall at the moment, but I dare say, at some point in the near future, I will have new neighbors.

Perhaps I should make some cookies for them so at least I have a good first impression...then it can all go to hell in a hand basket.