Day in Review - Eat it Today...Wear it Tomorrow...

Well today is my week and a day anniversary of my big stop smoking decision.  In general, I feel great!  There are a few things that I am experiencing though that I hope are temporary.  According to what I have read and people in my online support group, they are...but they are weird and funny, so I thought I would share them with all of you!

1) Wanting to Eat Everything in Sight:  My Nana used to always say "Eat it today, wear it tomorrow", and that is the phrase that has been going through my head every time I put something in my mouth. I am trying to make "healthy" snack choices like grapefruit, but it isn't always easy! One second I want something crunchy...the next minute I want something sweet.  If I didn't know better, I would assume I was pregnant with these weird cravings, but if you have read the post called Why I am Still Single and the Bridget Jones Rhetoric you know I am not pregnant at this time. (By the way, I opened up my yahoo account just today after a good week of being away and there were NINE "offline" messages from Penis Guy. All variations of "Hi", i.e. Hello, Hey, Hiya, etc.)  Back on topic, though I have been "eating it today", so far my jeans still zip and button. 

Me at the gym --- Just kidding!  I am PHAT not FAT

2) Insomnia: This is, so far, the part I am hating the most about not smoking. I have been having horrible insomnia. Trying to look at the positive side of this though, I have gained a lot of knowledge about the Time Life Music CD Box Sets that are for sale and been able to spend extra time with Anthony Bourdain as Travel Channel has been playing his show over night. I have also started my Christmas list for next year and will include the Sobakawa Cloud Pillow and the InStyler, but not the Pajama Jeans or Kangaroo Keeper. The bad thing about all of this is I have tried many things to combat this insomnia, like melatonin, valeran root, Tylenol PM, NyQuil, lavender aromatherapy, meditation, counting sheep, exercising before bed, no caffeine or eating after 6:00pm...none of this has worked. The best I did was two beers and a Tylenol PM, but I don't think that is especially healthy to do every night. Luckily, this "side effect" only lasts around 1-2 weeks, so I am getting through it.

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow - If you are looking to buy me a gift, write this down!

3) Dreams: When I have been sleeping, I am having insane dreams! I know what you're thinking..."Christa, you always have strange dreams". These are different though...similar to my "ghost/scratch" dream. If I had ever done drugs, I would expect this. I really think these dreams are real. It is like every smell, sight, color, event, tough, taste is magnified 10 times...definitely not normal dreams. I woke up the other day and started writing an e-mail to one of my friends about my thoughts on something we did in a dream...only to realize halfway through writing it...IT DID NOT HAPPEN!  (PS - I may just be going insane and this is not a side effect of not smoking, but humor me, ok??)  I have had dreams about: a very in depth discussion with Rep Gabby Giffords about dog food (Beneful vs Pedigree), dinner at Tiger Sushi (a made up restaurant) with my sister and one of my oldest friends, Nicole,  A ride in a golf cart through a park with another old friend Abby (she was driving and ran over a bag of Skittles that I very much wanted to eat), and a very fun party with people from high school that was not only people from my own high school, but totally random individuals I have never met in real life, but was best friends with at the party.

4) Irritation: Luckily this one is just about out of my system. I will admit I snapped at the Cox Cable man who called me tonight. The conversation went like this:

COX CABLE: I see you have cable and internet with our company Ma'am. Is this correct?
ME: Yes (In an annoyed tone)
COX CABLE: I have a wonderful offer that will allow you to pay just $99 a month if you add phone to your plan. That is only a bit more than you normally pay, but you get a phone new service.
ME: Did you just call me on a phone?
COX CABLE: Yes, Ma'am. I called you at XXX-XXX-XXXX (He said my phone number)
ME: Right, so obviously I have a phone, correct?
COX CABLE: Yes, Ma'am. I just want to tell you about this great offer...
ME: (Cutting COX CABLE OFF): If I wanted a land line with Cox, I would have gotten a land line with Cox.
COX CABLE: Yes, Ma'am. We have other offers...
ME: (Cutting COX CABLE OFF AGAIN): I have a phone, that you just called. I only need one, Thanks.
(ME HANGS UP)

Usually I am not that short with peeps, cause I try to understand this is their job....I suppose today was an exception.

5: I Attract Smokers: It seems like the past 4 days or so, everywhere I go, there is someone smoking or smelling of smoke. I see them in their cars, walking down the street, in parking lots, in stores, (not smoking in stores, but I smell it on them) Before I get grossed out by the smell, which DOES happen, thankfully...there is a split second where I want to be by them...I want to smell them...I want to just make-out with them. I don't care who it is...I want them to be right by me. Rather it is an old man, hot man, ugly woman, hot woman...I don't care. For that tiny moment, a part of me just wants to jump on them to get some amount of nicotine. (Thankfully this only lasts a short amount of time before I enter into any time of relationship with said old man or ugly woman...though I wouldn't say no to hot man...except for now, I would, cause I shouldn't be around a smoker) There are a lot of smokers out there I have noticed. It's all good though...I am strong...stronger than I actually thought!

In closing, a random thought of the day and something for you all to ponder.  Why is it that you can see someone who is "ugly as home-made soap" (another gem from my late Nana) but if they have a foreign accent you want to marry them at the next convenient time for both of you? Maybe it's just me....

Day in Review - Quasimodo's Cousin Wrote to Me Today

Yay Tuesday! Except it's Wednesday, isn't it...I seriously just wrote that and it is too damn funny to erase. I guess I was so excited to relive Tuesday, it was some sort of psychological, Freud inspired slip. (Not sure why, as yesterday was pretty blah)



Not a peep from penis guy today, but I do want to let you know I am not the only person this has happened to.  I stumbled upon this blog today - Pursuit Blog.(<---Click here to check it out)   Yes.  She has gotten the (now infamous on this blog) penis pic...though probably not the same one I got, of course. (At least I hope not) The weirdest thing about this is she is from Cleveland...is it only Clevelander's who feel the need to share their penile pics with random girls? Is this a regional practice? I will say not likely, as I got several tallywaker pics while I was in New York as well. Perhaps an eastern side of the county thing?  Who knows.  Whatever it is...just stop sending them PLEASE!  I wonder what Freud would think?

In other news, I am not watching American Idol. I have never watched it and I don't particularly care much about it.

After my horrendous experience with the last guy, I found I was able to take a baby step into the dating foray again today and signed into an online dating site I am a member of. I signed on for about 5 minutes, didn't see anything I particularly liked and went back to work. A few minutes later, my Blackberry light went on signaling to me I had an e-mail!  Woo Hoo! (It doesn't take a whole hell of a lot to get me excited sometimes, as you can see)

It was from the dating site! I had received a new message! This could be the one...my future husband.  My soul mate. The man I will grow old with. The father of my future children. We could meet on this site and live happily ever after. Love at first site. (These are the thoughts racing through my head as I click open the site to check my new e-mail)


WARNING: I am not trying to be offensive in the following paragraphs...just not for me...

It was from user "God4All123". (Let me pause and say I made this screen name up, but it is very similar to the actual one.) I click on his profile first and take a look....Seriously?  Really?  These are the guys I can attract?  He is listed as 48 years old. He weighs about 450.  (Guestimate on my part based on his photos) He has 1 front tooth missing. 2 out of 3 of his real photos were dated 2006.  The rest of his 10 photos are various crosses and pictures of the crucifixion of Jesus. Oh, and one of an ugly cat.  On to the written section....

The first three (!!!!!) paragraphs were about his love for God and why his perfect match will join him in this journey.  Yes. I believe in God. Yes. I pray. Yes. I believe God has brought me to this place for a reason. Yes. I have read the entire Bible...twice. But.....I attend the Church of Christa.  I have my own way of doing what I do faith wise. I do not like being told what to believe and I am not really the type of person who advertises my beliefs. I have a personal relationship with God and that's how I roll....

The last paragraph was full of spelling mistakes, horribly bad grammar, and the fact that he is allergic to dogs....Yes. I spell things wrong at times. Yes. I make grammatical errors at times. BUT NOT IN A POST WHERE I AM TRYING TO ATTRACT A MATE!!!!   I HAVE A FREAKING DOG!!!

I take a deep breath and finally read the e-mail....subject is "hi their little ladie"  Grrrr.


It says: "im trying 2 find out if u found anyone yet,,if not will u except a chat request? you are beautiful and my heart warmed when i saw your photos. your eyes are like the bluie skies."  (What do you know!  He is a poet too! This was an exact copy and paste of the e-mail by the way)

Once I finished chuckling, I politely wrote back and said "Thanks for the e-mail. At this time I do not believe we are a great match. It does not seem like we have a lot in common.  I appreciate your comments and wish you luck in your search".  Was that mean? Inappropriate?  A little dry maybe, but I was trying to be nice and reply to the poor guy.

About 1 minute later I get another flash on my BlackBerry and another e-mail about a message on the site.  Yes...it is from him.  It says (Again, copied and pasted)
"well just wanted 2 tell u about me alittle bit anyways im looking 4 my queen i am very nice ..i joke around a lot but im look 4 the one that makes me happy. im a mannager going into a directors possion...i dont drink and im staying that way..i love the out doors. I have an asociates degree in business. i would love 2 have kids more than 2...if i find my queen ,,is it ?"

UMMMMM  NO!  I AM NOT YOUR QUEEN!!!! 

I didn't respond....I did my nice, polite e-mail and now done with him.  Perhaps I will find my soul mate tomorrow...it is another day, after all.

PS...While I was writing this post, I got another flash on my BlackBerry...It is from MySpace (which I haven't signed onto in about 2 years) saying "Russell Simmons friended you on MySpace"  I have to go check this out!!!!!!!!

Weekend in Review....Why I am Still Single and the Bridget Jones Rhetoric

Happy Monday! I had a great weekend. My Aunt Debi and Uncle Dan were in town from New Mexico and we had some long over due family time. It was wonderful to spend time with them and I look forward to them moving closer to home in the future.

Now the rest of the weekend, basically the day we call "Sunday", wasn't nearly as enjoyable.
Note: I will attempt to keep the rest of the post as "PG-13" as I can. It will border on "adult" content...

Many of my friends are married, or "Smug Marrieds" as Bridget Jones would say. I, however, and a smaller number of my friends are "Singletons", or "unmarried and romantically unattached". For those of you "Smug Marrieds" who ask us "Singletons" why we remain "Singletons"...read on...

As I have mentioned in this blog, I have been "talking" to a guy for the past few weeks. This basically consists of talking on the phone, e-mail, texting, Yahoo Messenger, etc. We had gone out on a date a few months ago, but I found him a little immature and felt something just wasn't right. As you know, we re-connected a few weeks ago and I finally decided, Yes, I will see him again for another date. He was very excited, and I admit, I was looking forward to it as well. He is definitely attractive and didn't seem to have any major issues I would say is not compatible with myself....until he sent this message to me....

(Copied from my Yahoo Messenger History)

Him: "I don't know if I told you, but I have an 11 inch penis"
Me: "Thanks for the info. I think that is kind of inappropriate though at this point in the relationship"
Him: "I am really sorry. I don't know why I said that."
Me: "It's fine, I just don't know why guys do that. It is kind of annoying."
Him: "I know. I shouldn't have done it."
Me: "No, you shouldn't have. That is a "date killer" for me. What makes you think I care about your "size"?"
Him: "I don't know...I am really sorry, again. I won't mention it again"
Me: "Thanks. I have to go write an article"
Him: "Are you mad?"
Me: "Annoyed, yes, but you appologized, said you wouldn't do it again, so I am cool"
Him: "Ok..good. Well text me later"
Me: "Ok."

Signed off at this point....went back to work.

10 minutes later, I get a text...I check it...it's from him...it says "I wanna do something rash that I can't take back once its done but I don't wanna offend you I guess I have to take a chance and hope for the best"

1 minute later....a picture message....

Yes...you guessed it....a picture of his....you know what....manhood?!?!?!

Now I pause to tell you, just a few weeks ago, my friend Laurel and I were just talking about how guys have some fascination for sending penis pics.  Seriously...I have dated a lot of men...and though there are the rare cases where you can get through the first or second date without any mention of the word "penis",  it seems for the majority, you get that penis pic. I thought it was just me, until Laurel said one of the guys she was talking to did the same thing!  I could probably cover my wall with them if I wanted to. (If I saved them!) I also feel the need to mention there were absolutely NO pictures of ANY part of my anatomy sent to anyone, so obviously, I wasn't asking for them.

Of course, I BBM'd (Blackberry Messaged) her as soon as I saw the photo. A feverish BBM session took place between Laurel and I discussing what I should say and how to handle this. Meanwhile, I got two calls and one text from the guy in question asking if he "messed up" by sending that picture.

Um.......

YES! 

I sent him a quick e-mail this morning saying "Sorry, but I am not into this...blah, blah, blah"

So to the "Smug Marrieds"...you now know why my "Singleton" friends and I are still "Singletons". THIS is what we are dealing with out in the dating world. I have too much respect for myself to be treated like that. It is highly inappropriate in my opinion and I don't care to see your penis without even properly dating first. Though it does seem possible that you can meet nice guys out there, I have seen it with my own eyes, it seems like the guys that find me are A) Quasimodo's twin brother B) Divorced with 6 kids C) Attractive but only after the physical relationship or D) Saying they are looking for something real, then send a picture of their penis after talking for 15 minutes.

Are there good guys left? If you know someone around my age who does not fit into those categories, send them my way...until then, I will stick with the "Singletons"...and if anyone wants to see the picture, let me know...I will pass it on...